Lately God has been teaching me just how prideful that I am, and just how toxic pride is to having an intimate relationship with Him. When it comes to my weaknesses, I tend to be an open book, but I've discovered that often I don't show God the same transparency that I show to others. I'll admit my faults to others so easily that I often wonder if that tendency is in itself a fault, yet, with God, I often try to bury my ugliness.God knows my heart. He knows every single fiber of my being. He knows the very number of hairs on my head, and for some reason, I still try to hide from Him. I guess this hiding is nothing new. Pride contributed to Adam and Eve's sin, and in shame they attempted to hide from God. God knows my shortcomings and He knows how difficult it is for me to admit them, and He longs for me to trust Him enough to turn them over to Him. God knows how much my heart chases after feeling respected. He knows how strong my desires are to feel successful in the eyes of man. He knows my propensity to portray myself as somebody who has his life put perfectly together. God is fully aware of all of that, but He cannot make the progress that He desires unless I fully turn my heart over to Him.
In the scope of eternity, my life is nothing. That's a strange enigma. . I am I'm so small compared to the universe. My life here on earth is a flash compared to eternity. Even so God cares about me and He personally chases me down. He wants me to surrender to Him, and allow Him to embrace me, flaws and all. If I can't approach God with an honest heart, that is a sign that I don't trust Him.It is a symptom of not fully believing that His grace is enough to extend to me. One thing that I have been learning the tough way is that I'll never live the fruitful life that God desires so long as I keep trying to fix myself. I don't have the power to ever do that on my own. I'm called to live a life for Christ through His power and His power alone.
As small as my life is in the grand scheme of things, there is a God who longs for me to know him personally. There is a God who trusts me to be a steward in His kingdom, of my time, energy, and resources. There is a God who is in control of every success and failure in my life. There is a God who grants me every single breathe. And there is a God who has me exactly where I am right now for His purposes. Ultimately, I am learning to trust that neither my strengths or my weaknesses are responsible for where I am at. I am where I am at because that is precisely where God wants me to be.
In Daniel 4 :34 we read about King Nebuchadnezzar. His pride had led him to great loss, but when He turned his eyes toward God, he was restored. In order to be restored, the King needed to be willing to turn to God, and once he did, God began to work in his lie, so much so that he was even greater than he as before his fall from grace.
When I'm honest about my need for God, His grace begins to pour out. I'll never work my way through pride on my own efforts. I can never relieve myself from my sinful nature by trying hard. Pride is a subtle poison that robs me of communion with God. James 4:10 tells us that when we're humble God will lift us up. I'm tired of being in the dumps on account my my pride, and I'm claiming victory over it. And this victory has nothing to with me, and everything to do with a reliance upon God's mercy and grace.
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