Have you ever felt like God skipped town on you? Have you ever felt like He wasn't hearing your prayers? Have you ever begged to hear His voice, only to hear the disheartening sounds of silence instead? I used to be afraid of what others might think of me if I admitted that I have known what it feels like to seek the voice of God and seemingly end up with nothing but confusion. Many times I've found myself languishing in prayer, pleading with God for the strength and faith to continue until He chose to reveal His answers to me. Sometimes it was over simple decisions that I wanted assurance were the right ones to make, other times it was over impossible circumstance that only God could rescue me from.

Sometimes I've seen prayers answered amidst these doubts in ways that can only be attributed as  a miracle from God. Other times, I have been left standing with my hands in the air, waiting indefinitely for God to supernaturally intervene. Sometimes God has chosen to reveal His authority over all of the earth by altering my circumstance, but more often, God has not provided the answers in the form that I have sought them. In times like those,  I have no control over how God chooses to act, but I have full control over how I react. I can decide to feed my faith or feed my doubts. Whichever one I feed the most will almost always dominate. More times than  I can number, I have lost this battle and required God to restore me. Even in many of those defeats, I can see how the God who holds the universe in the palm of His hand personally stepped into my life and used negative episodes to create a bigger picture, one that grows my faith and points other to Him.

Though I've often wrestled with the insecurities that arise from having to place 100% of my faith in God for answers that I may never know or understand, I've struggled most with trying to decipher what Jesus meant on the cross when He, God in the flesh, screamed out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me."  The Bible is very clear when it states that God will never leave us, nor forsake us, so what in the world did Jesus mean?  Honestly, I've never cared too much about the theology of  that statement (something that many who are bent on theology have accused me of being borderline blasphemous), I care about the practicality of it. What did my Lord mean when with His last breath he uttered what seems to be words of extreme doubt?  Jesus was without sin, even to His death, so I know that, whatever the motive, He was not sinning. So Jesus wasn't sinning, but was His statement a statement of doubt? Is doubting God, in and of itself, a sin? Or is doubt simply a human response to that which cannot be explained, which carries with it the potential to become sinful?


Colosians 3:16 reminds us that "There is none like [God] and He will not allow His word to return to Him void."  Statements such as these can be found throughout the Bible, and it's statements such as these that I need to be chewing on and digesting in my times of doubt. Life doesn't always make sense, and the Bible is God's perfect way of communicating His plans for us here on earth and in all of eternity, therefore, I can't expect all of it to make sense. Doubts do not negate faith. Life will never make perfect sense. It is understood that "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" ( 1 Corinthians 13:12)

It's Christmas

As I was pondering what Christmas really is, my spirit was directed to several Bible verses  and Biblical themes that I found impossible to ignore.  None of these verses seemed to have much to do with Christmas at first though. I have a mind that is prone oscillate  between hyper focusing and frantically bouncing around from one thought to the next ( think Tigger on amphetamines). Sometimes having a brain wired this way is of a great advantage to me, other times it is obvious that left uncontrolled, my mind is my Achilles' heel.  Over the past few years I have made great strides to stop resenting the mind God gave me and to use it in constructive ways. This has involved a great deal of discipline, which is something that I will readily admit I have lacked and had no interest in obtaining for a large portion of my life.  With a mind that is hardwired like mine, when a scripture (or in this case scriptures) nags at me, I have learned to pay close attention and wait for God to open my eyes to the truth that He is trying to speak into my heart.

I've been frustrated with the American church for several years. So much of the Christian culture in this country is not rooted in sound Biblical teaching, and a lot of it is definitely not Gospel focused. Sometimes I have dealt with my frustrations in constructive ways, other times, I have allowed my pride, passion, intensity, stubbornness and  my emotions to interfere with God' s work. One of my most prominent frustrations has been with the apathy that I see within the Church in the United States. Apathy in everything from preaching sound Biblical doctrine down to the basic principles of living out a Christ-centered, Gospel-focused life.

 Over 70 % of American adults identify themselves as Christians.  I realize that many of them, if not the majority, are what would classify as "cultural Christians." They aren't Muslim, Buddhist, atheist, or another religion, so they figure that by default they must be Christian. The Bible is clear that many who think they knew Jesus are living a lukewarm life and will be spit out (Revelation 3:16).  Christmas is intended to be a day to celebrate the birth of  the Promised Messiah, Emmanuel, God in the flesh. Some how, this magnificent celebration seems to have lost its true significance and instead has been transformed into religious clichés and a season for retailers to reflect on the billions of dollars that Americans spend to celebrate God coming to save mankind from its sins. Americans spent $42 billion dollars at retail locations on Thanksgiving weekend alone. And we all know that Thanksgiving weekend is the weekend where we rush out to find the best Christmas deals, because that is what celebrating Jesus is all about, right?  You can't properly celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, who came to save the world from its sins, without having that 52 inch flat screen TV bolted to your wall to watch 24 hours straight of A Christmas Story  on TBS, right?

If you live in America and earn minimum wage, you earn more in two hours of work than 2.7 billion people that we share the world with earn in one week. Stop to process that for a second. Now transplant you and your loved ones into Africa (home to 17 of the top 20 poorest nations in the world)  or Cambodia, or Nepal or Haiti or Mexico or Guatemala. A combination of geography and politics cause many of those 2.7 billion people to be stuck in situations that are almost unfathomable to any person who has been raised under the affluence of American society.

Imagine living in a place where those around you die from taking a sip of tainted water. Imagine watching helplessly as  your toddler wastes away after contracting a disease by quenching their thirst. Imagine this happening because your country was too poor to afford both basic sanitation and basic medical supplies. The lack of proper water is the number one preventable cause of childhood death in the world.

Imagine living in conditions so treacherous that you would choose to sell your child to known sex traffickers for a  handful of money. Imagine the guilt of knowing that you exploited and betrayed your child in the worst imaginable way and as a result they get raped dozens of times  every day. Imagine being that helpless and innocent child. There are millions of them across the globe.

Imagine not being able to feed your hungry children.  According to the USDA, there are almost 16 million children in the US who do not have adequate food at home. At least in this country we have free school lunches and food pantries, but other parts of the world are not so lucky. The United Nations estimates that 870 million people throughout the world are chronically undernourished.  Imagine going blind as a child because you don't consume enough Vitamin A. It happens to 500,000 children every year. Imagine dying of diseases virtually extinct in the developed world because your starved  and malnourished body can no longer fight off infection.

The world is full of problems, but that is no surprise. We should not be overwhelmed. The world has always been that way, and even if it hadn't always been that way, Jesus told is in John 16:33 that "in this world [we] will have many troubles! But take heart, I have overcome the world."  Reassuring words to hear from the Messiah, but he didn't say "take heart, I'll do magic tricks and feed the hungry, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, comfort the lonely..." We have a role to play in relieving the pain from those who suffer in this world,  if that weren't  so, Jesus wouldn't have said in Matthew 25:35:

     "'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the
      foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and
      you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed
      Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me."

What's wrong with Christmas? It's not Jesus that is wrong with Christmas, so I suppose that it is Christians that are wrong with Christmas. We are self absorbed. We grab God's free grace and gobble it up for ourselves and forget to share. We cherry pick the Gospel, leaving out any part that might make us uncomfortable and savor the parts that tickle our ears. 2 Timothy 4:3 warns us about that. The thing about God's word is we are not supposed to add or to take away from it (Revelation 22:19). God's work was completed at the cross through Jesus. God's Word is perfectly preserved. When we pick and choose what parts to be obedient to, the Gospel ceases to be God's Good News for all mankind, and it transforms into a diluted I-Can-Save-Myself-And- I-Will-Let-God-Help-Me-When-I -Feel-Like-It kind of news.

We take God's blessings and hoard them, until every so often we "donate" from our bountiful stash out of obligation and guilt. Many of us donate once a week.We do this with both the physical as well as spiritual. We throw some money into the offering plate and we drag ourselves to church, give our hour or two to God, and then head back home to our regularly scheduled lives. We tithe standard amounts in order to conform to the teachings that have been engrained into us, when we should be cheerfully giving based on the convictions God places on our heart. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:6-7), problem is, we're naturally self-centered and giving as God commands us to give is unnatural. Matthew 19:21 tells of a young man who walked away from Jesus disappointed. We don't often hear about that happening, so that statement is worthy of our attention. Why did the young man walk away disappointed? Jesus commanded him "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me." Verse 22 tells us that the young man was grieved because he owned much property. Many of us live our lives with the same mentality as that young man, as though this world is our permanent residence. Well, it is not. The act of giving wouldn't have bought the young man a place it heaven, rather, it would have proven that his heart was committed to Jesus and willing to obey Him at all cost. That is what our Messiah expect of us. He doesn't expect us to be robots programmed to follow Him; He desires us to be in love with Him so much that nothing on this earth matters in comparison. When we love God, obedience is not a burden, it is a blessing.

I n Luke 11:41, Jesus had a conversation with a Pharisees. Jesus stated "give what is inside the dish to the poor, and everything will be clean for you." The giving isn't what makes you clean, the giving is simply an outward manifestation of being filled with God's love.

The Pharisees were notorious for following rules. They were very good at it, and prided themselves with their ability to interpret God's Law and follower it rigidly. The problem was, their hearts were not in tune with God. They looked great on the outside, but inside they were far from God, or as Jesus put it in Matthew 23:27, they were whitewashed tombs.

We are more like the Pharisees than many of us are willing to admit. I think that Jesus often spoke in code, and I wonder if he was doing this in Luke 11:41. You see, He instructs us give what is inside the dish to the poor and then we'll be clean. I wonder if what he was really trying to say was that instead of trying to look good, just get your priorities right. Stop trying to follow rules and follow the Living God, you silly Pharisees.  Stop being an exclusive club that has a long list of spoken and unspoken membership rules and start loving God so much that you give what He has given to you away to others.  Before we find God we are spiritually poor. Actually, not just spiritually poor but spiritually broke. We have not one cent to offer God, but He walks into our lives and gives us a new life of abundance. He cleanses us of our sins and, according to scripture, He lives within us, and guides our lives via the Holy Spirit. In verse 40-41 Jesus gets pretty stern. He says "You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also?  But give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you."

The Greek word Jesus used for fool was "aphron". This word translates to the type of fool who is ignorant. What Jesus was saying was that these religious people had their religious rules, but nothing else. They knew the Law, but they did not know God. Their rituals and their zeal made them comfortable and gave them feelings of superiority, but they got so caught up in their religious practices that they became ignorant to who God really was.  Grace requires action. God took that action for us, and once we accept it, we too should be taking action. We should be seeking out the spiritually poor and sharing the gift that made us spiritually rich. That's what giving alms to the spiritually poor would look like. Does what I am saying make sense? Maybe what Jesus was saying wasn't code after all; maybe what He was saying is so obvious that it is easy to overlook. Maybe we complicate what Jesus said here because we can't believe it to be so simple. But if we believe the Gospel, then we believe that it is that simple. We were spiritually filthy, but His grace washed us white as snow. Jesus did for us what we were never capable of doing for ourselves. He gave to us the ultimate of the ultimate alms, and in return, we are instructed to point people to the Giver, the One who brought us out of a land of spiritual desolation into a land of spiritual abundance.

In John 21 Jesus tells Peter that if he loves Him to feed His sheep. Funny thing about this is that Jesus chose to call Peter by the name Simon. Why is this significant?  Simon was the old Peter. Peter was the changed man who gave up his life to follow Christ. This points out the tendency in all of us to return to our old ways. After all, He who made the outside, made the inside also (Luke 40). Jesus sees the heart. He sees the tendency of our flesh. He knows how easy it is for us to become complacent. He knows how quickly we can get sidetracked and pursue rules to make us feel holy more than we do God. He knows that the devil lures us into false ways of thinking and living that impede that Gospel from shining light into a dark world. There's a bit of Simon is each of us, but there's also a bit of Peter in us all. If we love Jesus, we'll feed His sheep. We should be feeding the physically hungry, but feeding people in the spiritual sense is the priority. We can't do that when our cup is only clean on the outside. Many of us get good at faking being clean on the inside, but God sees right through the outward (1 Samuel 16:7) and he calls to us. Jesus desires real change in us, because we can't change the world if we haven't been changed first.

So what is my point? I guess my point is that I don't much care for Christmas any more, but not because I'm some kind of Scrooge. Quite the opposite. Those who know me know giving in any way that I am able to is one of my ultimate joys.  I am offended by Christmas because I love Christ so much I want to see every day be a celebration in His honor. I want my words and deeds and thoughts to honor and celebrate Him. And I want to live in a way that magnetizes people to Him. Christmas has become another gimmick, but God can't be fooled. We might easily be fooled, which is probably why we spend $42 billion the day after thanksgiving while there are people  whose lives could be saved by being sheltered and fed for an entire year for the price we spend on a few luxury purchases.
God calls each of us to follow Him, but we have to be real and answer a few basic questions:

1)Who do we say that Jesus is? Do we really believe He is the Messiah, the  Way, The Truth, the Life, and the only way to heaven? Or is He just another historical icon, another religious figure in a smorgasbord of choices? Is He somebody we worship with every breath that we breathe, or only for a few minutes every morning and a few hours one day a week?
2) Are we willing to count the costs to follow Him? When we do, we go against all that comes naturally and give up everything of this world, but in return, we gain eternity
 

When we accept Jesus as Savior and accept the costs associated with following Him, everything changes. We become the salt and the light of the world. We no longer focus on outward appearances to impress the world because we know God works from the inside out. Our behaviors change. Our priorities change. We should help meet the world's physical needs, because James 1:27 makes it clear God wants us to do that. Helping those in need is a byproduct of finding God's love and grace, but it is no substitute for God's grace itself. We must be careful not to become like the Pharisees and think that our works will earn merit in God's eyes, but we can't use that as an excuse to neglect helping those in need either. The most important thing we can do  as Christians is let God authentically change us then allow God to use us to point the world towards Him, the Eternal Spring (John 7:38), the Bread of Life (John 6:35), the only source of eternal satisfaction and salvation. When we find a life like that, we find the true meaning behind celebrating Christmas. When we find life like that, we will never hunger or thirst again.

Pride is Poison

Lately God has been teaching me just how prideful that I am, and just how toxic pride is to having an intimate relationship with Him.  When it comes to my weaknesses, I tend to be an open book, but I've discovered that often I don't show God the same transparency that I show to others. I'll admit my faults to others so easily that I often wonder if that tendency is in itself a fault, yet, with God, I often try to bury my ugliness.God knows my heart. He knows every single fiber of my being. He knows the very number of hairs on my head, and for some reason, I still try to hide from Him. I guess this hiding is nothing new. Pride contributed to Adam and Eve's sin, and in shame they attempted to hide from God.  God knows my shortcomings and He knows how difficult it is for me to admit them, and He longs for me to trust Him enough to turn them over to Him. God knows how much my heart chases after feeling respected. He knows how strong my desires are to feel successful in the eyes of man. He knows my propensity to portray myself as somebody who has his life put perfectly together. God is fully aware of all of that, but He cannot make the progress that He desires unless I fully turn my heart over to Him.

In the scope of eternity, my life is nothing. That's a strange enigma. . I am I'm so small compared to the universe. My life here on earth is a flash compared to eternity. Even so God cares about me and He personally chases me down. He wants me to surrender to Him, and allow Him to embrace me, flaws and all. If I can't approach God with an honest heart, that is a sign that I don't trust Him.It is a symptom of not fully believing that His grace is enough to extend to me. One thing that I have been learning the tough way is that I'll never live the fruitful life that God desires so long as I keep trying to fix myself. I don't have the power to ever do that on my own. I'm called to live a life for Christ through His power and His power alone.

As small as my life is in the grand scheme of things, there is a God who longs for me to know him personally. There is a God who trusts me to be a steward in His kingdom, of my time, energy, and resources. There is a God who is in control of every success and failure in my life. There is a God who grants me every single breathe. And there is a God who has me exactly where I am right now for His purposes. Ultimately, I am learning to trust that neither my strengths or my weaknesses are responsible for where I am at. I am where I am at because that is precisely where God wants me to be.

In Daniel 4 :34 we read about King Nebuchadnezzar. His pride had led him to great loss, but when He turned his eyes toward God, he was restored. In order to be restored, the King needed to be willing to turn to God, and once he did,  God began to work in his lie, so much so that he was even greater than he as before his fall from grace.

When I'm honest about my need for God, His grace  begins to pour out. I'll never work my way through pride on my own efforts. I can never relieve myself from my sinful nature by trying hard. Pride is a subtle poison that robs me of communion with God. James 4:10 tells us that when we're humble God will lift us up. I'm tired of being in the dumps on account my my pride, and I'm claiming victory over it. And this victory has nothing to with me, and everything to do with a reliance upon God's mercy and grace.

It's difficult to feel loved if you don't feel understood.

YOLO, right?

I only get one today to live, and it is my job to make the best of every moment. There are 24 hours in every day and every human is blessed with an equal opportunity to utilize that 24 hour period. As the clichéd Latin saying goes, carpe diem. That saying is quite dated. It gets it roots from a book of poems by Horace written around 23 BC. In modern times, the phrase has taken on a  bit of a hedonistic connotation, but I actually find the idea to be quite Biblical. The phrase has colloquially been trimmed down from "carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero", probably because, for one, Latin is a dead language and is no longer taught, and also because it's just a lot easier to say carpe diem.  The full phrase loosely translates to "seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day." The preceding lines in Horace's poem read "be wise, be truthful, strain the wine, and scale back your long hopes to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have fled." This is rich advice. Let's look at it in its entirety before I start to dissect it.

     be wise, be truthful, strain the wine, and scale back your long hopes
     to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have fled:
     seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day

Who doesn't want to be wise? Even most  fools want to be wise, they just don't take proper action to obtain wisdom.
Being truthful is always a best policy. Nobody can trust a liar.
Straining the wine is how you remove any impurities from the wine. I don't know much about oenology, but from what I gather,  this is an essential process before the wine becomes drinkable. The Latin translation, according to most  scholars, connotes that the sediments be removed so the wine could be immediately consumed. So, this is further hammering in the idea to be  prepared  to live out the current day.

Okay, so now we start getting into the more  relevant stuff. I am quite fond of the line "while we speak, envious time has fled." I saw a billboard the other day in Erie that read "hesitation kills more dreams that failure." Isn't that the truth? As a person who is constantly dreaming and constantly talking, I find that it is not a lack of substance or feasibility to my dreams that has killed them, rather, it has been thinking them over and debating the pros and cons while the opportunity passed me by. In no way do I feel that forming a habit of hasty decision making is advisable, but neither is waiting on ideal timing. While we spend precious time talking ourselves into or out of  decisions, time that can never be regained has passed. Both acting too slowly and acting too swiftly can prove dangerous, if not toxic, to productivity.

The advice of being wise and truthful both come in handy in regards to making decisions. We have to be wise enough to use discernment. We have to be wise enough to prioritize appropriately, otherwise we'll constantly be overwhelmed and never make the most of each day. We also have to be truthful, most importantly to ourselves. We have to ask ourselves what we value most. We have to ask ourselves what is truly motivating us. We have to honestly evaluate our fears. Are they realistic? Do they have substance? Or are the only teeth that they have teeth that we've given them in our own imaginations?  Being wise and truthful are of huge importance in our spiritual lives as well. If we're not wise and truthful with our walk with God, we end looking a lot like the hypocritical Pharisees. And ain't nobody got time for the Pharisees.

The next line is almost a line that could be taken straight from the book of James. Seize the day, trusting as little as possible in tomorrow. James 4:14 reminds us "You do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." That is so true. In my young life, I've seen people who acted as though they were going to live forever disappear from this life in a moment. One moment they were here, and just like the mist the book of James describes, they were gone.

It's important that we evaluate and reflect on our lives daily. We need to address issues that need to be addressed, because if we put them off, we may not have the opportunity to fix them tomorrow. Is there somebody that we need to forgive? Carpe diem it, man. Take the difficult step and let it go. Give your anger to God. Pray for them, and I guarantee that God will change you in the process.  Is there somebody that you need to ask forgiveness from? Don't put it off. They may reject your gesture. It may even seem to backfire on you, but you'll be able to know that you made your best effort to live in peace with everybody (Romans 12:18).

In your busyness, did you miss an opportunity to show love? Make up for it today. Commit right now to being a better spouse, a better sibling, a better parent, a better boss, a better friend. Make a choice to not to close your eyes to the basic opportunities God puts in front of you. It's easy to do it. It's easy to write them off.  Love big. Love like it might be your last chance to warms somebody's heart.

Have you stopped appreciating the beauty of life? Take a few minutes today to look at all the wonders that surround you. Get up early and watch the sunrise. Take a break from the craziness of life and watch the sunset. Take another break before you go to sleep to step outside and look up to the stars. You'll be amazed at how your perspective changes when you begin appreciating those every day things.

In the book Accept No Mediocre Life, David Foster portrays our 24 hour days this way:

     Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400, but carries over no
     balance from one day to the next and allows no cash-on-hand balance. Every evening you lose
     what you failed to use that day. What would you do? Draw out and spend every cent, every day, of
     course! Well, you have such a bank; its your time. Every morning God gives you 86,400 seconds.
     Every night you lose whatever you have failed to put to good use. It carries over no balance. It
    allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the
    day before. If you fail to use the day's deposit, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no
    drawing against it tomorrow. You must live in the present on today's deposit. Invest it so that you
    will get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success...
     Time seems to be one of the things we don't get smart about until we are looking back in regret.
     To realize the value of one year, ask a student who has failed his finals and has to repeat the same
     class again next year. To realize the value of a month, as a mother who has given birth to a
     premature baby whose survival is touch and go. To realize the value of one week, ask the editor of
     a weekly newspaper whose deadlines are coming due at the same time. To realize the value of a
     day, ask a daily wage earner who has ten kids to feed and not a dime to waste. To realize the value
     of an hour, ask a love-struck girl who is waiting to be reunited with her beau at a train station after
     a long separation. To realize the value of a minute, ask the love-struck beau who missed the train
     on the way back to see his beloved. To realize the value of one second, ask a young woman
    who just missed a speeding car that ran a red light at the intersection she went through. To realize
    the value of a millisecond, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics instead of 
    the gold he had been training for all of his life....time waits  for no one. It cannot hold on, slow
    down, or back up. It is moving ahead without regard to your plans or priorities. it isn't against you
    or for you.

  
The artist drake has released a song called The Motto, which contains the phrase YOLO. I didn't know what that meant for the longest time, though I heard people saying it, singing it, and even saw it on T-shits.  It means You Only Live Once.  That song is wildly successful. It has sold over three million copies and has become a bit of an anthem for the young crowds (it has over 43 million youtube views). It's true that we only live once, and that's why it is so important that we don't use our time recklessly.  We all get the same amount of time in the day, but we don't all get the same amount of days. Hebrews 9:27 reminds us that "Man is destined to die once, and after that face judgment." Like the vanishing morning mist, so too are our lives. We have no guarantees for tomorrow. We have no guarantees that we'll make it to the next second in the 86,400 that today consists of. One day, we all die. And on that day, we will be judged. The good news is that we'll be judged by a God who judges everybody by the same standards, and that standard is whether or not we accepted and were transformed by Jesus Christ. I've known many people who said they'd get their affairs in order the next day, and for them the next day never came.

You only live once, so how are you going to live today? Are you going to live it selfishly or are you going to live it out like the gift that it is? Are you going to live it out like it is your very last day, focusing on what matters? Are you going to spend it as though the possibility of being judged by a Holy and just God is a reality? Because it is a reality, and once you take your last breath on earth, your time to make a decision to honor God is up. The You Only Live Once slogan is true to an extent, but it neglects the realities of the afterlife. There is an  eternity and we'll all end up there someday, and the only merits we'll be judged by is whether we chose to live for Jesus or something else. We can only truly seize the day when we choose to live for God. In comparison to heaven, everything else we spend our milliseconds on earth doing can never compare. As 1 Corinthians 7:31 tells us "Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away."  Think about that. Everything that we've ever cared about and loved on earth will perish. Even secular  science backs that up with the laws of thermodynamics - sooner or later everthing turns to poop.
1 John 2:17 put it all into perspective. "The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." What is God's will? First He desires us to love and honor Him above all else. Then, His will is for us is to love everybody as He loves them. And lastly, His will is for us to  go and change the world by showcasing His love for mankind in tangible ways. At the end of every 86,400 seconds, that's really all that matters. Am I loving God, and I loving others, and out of that love am I helping to create authentic Jesus followers?

You only live once, at least on this earth. So how does the life you've been living look?

As Jesus was nearing the end of His time on earth, He told His disciples, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you (John 14:27)." It was not an offer. Jesus said that He gave it. We don't get a choice in the matter. When Jesus departed earth, He left  His Spirit to guide us, teach us, and mold us more into His image. Peace is also mentioned as a fruit of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. In other words, if we follow Jesus, Scripture says that having peace is not optional. If we follow Jesus, we are to be filled with the Spirit, and a byproduct of being filled with the Holy Spirit  is peace.

It is good practice to reflect on our lives and ask ourselves if we are at peace. Am I at peace with others? Are there people in my life that I have strife with (Colossians 3:13)? Are there unresolved conflicts that need my attention?  Am I harboring bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart (Mark 11:25)? If any of those are true, then I am not only at conflict with having the peace of the Spirit,  but I am actually interfering and hindering the work of God in my life. Matthew 5:9 says "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."

Another question we must ask ourselves about peace is whether or not our own spirit is at peace. Am I content with where I am at and what I have or am I lusting after things of this world? Am I able to accept God's answers, or do I give Him a good spiritual pout when He doesn't cater to my requests?Am I acting in faith as I wait on God to answer my prayers or am I being anxious? Philippians 4:6-7 tells us "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Are we approaching God humbly, with a thankful heart? Are we praying for His will as we navigate the tough circumstances of life?  If not, that might explain why we don't have the kind of peace that goes far beyond our human understanding.

In John 15:8 Jesus tells us that when we bear fruit it shows the  world that we are His disciples and brings God glory. The whole purpose of my life is become more and more  a reflection of God and to bring Him glory.

If Jesus says that when we bear fruit it brings God glory, we better be filling our lives full of spiritual fertilizer so that we bear fruit in abundance. Read and apply God's Word. Live it out. Confess sin that is obstructing  the work of the Holy Sprit so that we can hear God speak to us. Go out and be filled with God's inner peace and live at peace with others.  The fruits of the Spirit work in tandem with one another, but peace is vital to them all.  If we're not at peace with God, we can't be at peace with ourselves or others, and we won't be able to show love and be filled with joy, kindness, gentleness and self control. 
 
As I walk this life, I am learning just how important peace really is. Life is simply no fun when we're not at peace. Every day I am learning to examine my life to search it for things that do not line up with the peace that Jesus promised, and when I do find something, I ask God for His strength and wisdom to deal with it. Dealing with it is not always easy. It's not always pretty. God always comes through, but that looks like me becoming less so that He may become more (John 3:30) That looks like me stepping aside so the Holy Spirit can help me identify areas that need God's intervention so that I can resemble Christ a little more every day. The only time that it is God's will for me to not be at peace is when I am living in opposition to Him, and when that's the case I'll do my best to make adjustments and be obedient. I desire for my life to be filled with a peace that surpasses understanding every moment that I have here on this earth. My moments on earth are too precious to willingly sacrifice the peace Christ guaranteed me for any reason.

Faith is nothing unless it is put to action. Many people claim they have faith, but have never shown any signs of it. Words are easy to speak and prove very little. Faith requires more than just words, it requires trust. It's simple to say that we believe but acting on that belief is a whole different ballgame. It's easy to say that we trust God, but often those words are hollow because when we are put to the test, we lose our trust in God's sovereign abilities. Trusting in God requires that we find ourselves in powerless situations. If we have control, we can't fully trust in God. Being powerless is where authentic faith is built. We learn to trust God after we've been through situations where we are completely powerless and all that we can do is place our trust in Him.  Don't be fooled - trusting God is in no way passive. Faith isn't learned by going to church or memorizing Bible verses, though those are both important components. We can say all the right things, participate in all the right services,  memorize all the right scripture, but none of that matters if we don't trust God.

I heard a story once. I'm not sure if it is true, or if it is just a fable, but it makes a great point. The story is about a military Officer  who was on a boat with his wife. The boat encountered a terrible storm and repeatedly came close to capsizing. The husband remained calm. He retreated to the corner and knelt down to pray. The wife frantically approached him and asked him how he could be so tranquil when they were possibly facing their deaths. The husband drew his sword, put it up to his wife and asked "Are you afraid of this?" Without a moments hesitation the wife answered "Of course not" to which the husband responded "And why not?"  Again, instantly the wife answered, "because you have control of it and I trust you. You love me and would never hurt me."  The husband responded " I know the One who controls the wind and the waves, and He loves and cares for us."  Is our faith strong enough to believe God loves us and is in control, even when reality seems otherwise? I know that I thought I did, and about four years ago, the truth became apparent when my life seemed to unravel.  I lost everything that I found security in. I lost my job. I lost my girlfriend. And because up until that point my faith had been mainly head knowledge, I even started to lose it.


Faith is tough. Faith requires surrendering situations  that have uncertain outcomes to God, and that uncertainty is the perfect breeding ground for fear. Harry Emerson Fosdick describes the contrast between fear and faith, and they are as different as night and day: "Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals." As we exercise our faith muscles, we begin to  trust God just like the husband on the boat. The more that we yield control to God, the more we can see Him change the unchangeable and do the unfathomable and the less we will fear the unknown.

Because building a genuine faith involves losing complete control, most of us run away from truly trusting God. If what I say abut faith is true, that the only real way to build it is to be in a situation where we are powerless to change it, then it makes sense why we'd try our hardest to avoid really trusting in God. Once we begin the habit of yielding control over  to the God who holds the universe in His hands, we'll never want control of our lives again. The sad thing is, most of us will spend our lives trying to avoid God placing us in positions where we have to trust Him.

I've been focusing a lot on reading Hebrews 11 and getting to know the characteristics of faith described there. What I see are stories of people who acted in obedience to God, even when that obedience made little sense. What I read about are people whose faith was bigger than their questions. I want the kind of faith that amidst troubles doesn't just believe God is going to do something, but believes that He already is doing something. I want the kind of faith that knows God is always at work and that the answer to my prayer is already orchestrated. I want the kind of faith that knows that even when God is silent, He is still actively working things out. I want the kind of faith that trusts God's timing is always perfect and best. I want the kind of faith that trusts God knows right where I am at and exactly what I need. I want the kind of faith that even when it seems ludicrous to believe, trusts God. I want the kind of faith that genuinely believes God is all that I need.

It is easy to get so focused on the things that we want that we miss out on God's plan. Sometimes, without even knowing it, we become oppositional to God because we're chasing after something more than we are seeking Him. Sometimes it is a goal, a relationship, or a ministry. Other times it is something less subtle , such a sin that we know is separating us from God and His perfect will. Either way, God is not ok with a heart that is not fully obedient to Him, whether that obedience makes earthly sense of not.

Last week after church I gave a farewell to one of the kindest girls around. She had a very comfortable job that she was amazing at, yet God began prompting her to put that all aside and follow Him to Greece to share His love with people who have been forced into sexual slavery. I don't know the ins and the outs of her journey. I don't know how much, if at all, she grappled with knowing for certain giving up her comfortable life and heading to Greece was God's plan. But what I do know is this, in the end, she choose to follow God in a radical way. Oh what faith.

Don't worry if you're not at that point yet though. Even the disciples struggled with knowing God's will, and they followed him around in the flesh and listened to Him speak. Check out what Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:23 when he tried arguing with Jesus's purpose - "Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, 'God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You.' But He turned and said to Peter, 'Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's.'"

What To Do When Life Feels Like a Blues Song

This world is ripe with troubles, anybody who says otherwise is not being realistic. Sometimes life just feels like a blues song. Turn on the TV and watch the locals news if you don't believe me. Shootings,  murders, drug busts, families torn apart, children being abused. It's all there, and it's all happening right in front of our noses. Now, transition into the national news and you'll see a broader picture, but one that still includes many, many troubles. Corrupt leaders, conflict and wars, mass shootings, child abductions, on and on it goes. For the most part, no news is good news, and I don't think that phrase  qualifies as a double entendre much any more. Really, it does seem that there is no news that is good news. And once the news gives us a breather from the bad news for a brief commercial break, we're reminded that we're too fat, we're going to die from high cholesterol, our bones are turning brittle from osteoporosis and our joints are inflamed with arthritis, and our sex lives have gone down the tubes from lack of blood flow and enlarged prostates.  Sandwiched in between the Big Pharma ads you'll often see ads of helpless starving children that could be educated, fed, clothed, given medical care, and shown God's love for just about one measly dollar per day.  Troubles are everywhere, and this station in history is not unique. Troubles have abounded since the fall of man. The consequences of sin are everywhere, and one does not have to do much searching to discover them.

Jesus warned  us about troubles. John 16:33 is  the antithesis of the pop culture, feel good Christianity that is corrupting the Gospel in America. If any verse is capable of shooting a cavernous hole into the pseudo biblical teachings of prosperity ministries, I'd say that the very words of Christ  do that. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Pretty cut and dry. Jesus doesn't use words like might or possibly, he says that we will.

Now, troubles seem to come in a few forms. There are troubles that we bring upon ourselves, there are troubles that others bring upon us, and there are troubles that God allows for our own good and for the glory of His kingdom.

So when God is permitting trials to come our way, what is He doing? I mean, if He loved us, He wouldn't punish us or let us suffer, right?  Ever meet a parent who refused to be a parent? They see their role as being a buddy, and when it comes time to discipline, they don't have the courage to do so. Well, usually kids raised that way end up with a lot of struggles. They generally have a difficult time accepting responsibility and aren't fond of authority. A common word to describe people like that would be brat. God doesn't want us to be brats, and since He is God and He knows everything, He does discipline us, and He always does it for our benefit. Hebrews 12:7 instructs us to "endure hardship as discipline; God is treating [us] as sons." Sometimes trials are God's way of revealing character flaws to us and chipping away at them. The pressure of circumstances has a way of revealing what is genuinely inside of us, and usually what is inside is not pretty.

Over the past few years, God has used circumstances to mold me. There is no doubt that like a bratty child I resisted Him. I screamed and hollered and threw tantrums, but He would not relent. Like a good parent, He stood firm, and taught me a most valuable lesson - I am not God and I do not know everything. And when I forcibly resist Him because I allow my circumstances to plant a tiny seeds of doubt, my situation only worsens. 

God is good, and He is most faithful, even when we are not. I can speak testament to that. Even when my spirit was at battle with Him, God was slowly at work, using my hardened  heart to reveal to me areas that were not a reflection of Him. Once I took my focus off of God's truth and began looking at my trials, doubt started to creep in. I wondered how a good God could allow me to lose my job and girlfriend. I wondered how a good God could allow a friend in ministry to participate in me being swindled out of thousands of dollars while I was already suffering financially. At first, all of the wondering didn't lead to bitterness or confusion, but soon it did. As I asked God for answers, He seemed silent. In this silence is where He revealed to me my true character. I grew impatient. Why wasn't God giving me a new job or even the direction He wanted me to take my life in? Why wasn't God forcing Jamie onto a plane and back into my arms? And why wasn't God supernaturally placing enough conviction onto the hearts of those who wronged me that not only would they apologize for hurting a  swell guy like me, but they'd have a Zacchaeus moment and return my money four-fold.

Yeah, so none of  those scenarios played out quite like I tried to convince God they should, and I'm glad that they didn't. God could have granted me my desires. He could have bent His will to conform to mine, but that would not have forced me to examine myself the way that I needed to. If God had allowed me to be comfortable, and if God had given me what I wanted in my time and not His own, then  I would have missed the blessings that my not-so-ideal circumstance yielded. God grants a lot of room for our doubts, but as the God who measures the heart, He also is able to see past the things that we tend to be blind to. God knew that I had a character that was in much need of development, and He knew that I would fight Him during the painful process of building it up.

Here is the paradox - we all at once must surrender our lives to Christ, but that doesn't mean we get to become complacent, it just means that we learn to love and trust Him enough that we submit our wills to Him. It means that we commit to honoring Him with our entire lives, even when our lives seem like a shattered mess and we want to fix it all ourselves. We're going to mess it up, an that will be frustrating, but that is part of the beautiful process. At times we'll act when God wanted us to be still and let Him move. Other times, we'll be still when God opened a door and wanted us to seize the opportunity. This process will involve many spiritual bumps and bruises, but it's a requirement in developing an authentic and trust filled relationship with Him. To me, it is common sense to expect problems in life, which is why I was perplexed that for so long I missed out on the value of Jesus' words before he tells us to take heart during our trouble, " I am not alone for the Father is with me."  Does my relationship with God have that dynamic? Do I know Him so well that when trouble makes its way into my life my first response is knowing that my loving Father in heaven is right by my side? If I don't know Him like that, I have learned that it is quite easy to lose hope and allow emotions to squelch out His truth.  If I don't believe that God is with me during my struggles, it's hard to cling to truths such as "never will I leave you, never will I forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6, Hebrews 13:5). Truth like "All things work together for the glory of those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28). Truth like Jesus reminded us about in John 16:33, that even though life is full of tough times, life and everything in it is temporary and passing away, but He paved a way for everlasting life. That's the perspective that can help us to endure. That's the perspective that will save us from feeling helpless from aiding the broken people and situations in this mixed up world. That's the kind of faith that will help us to live in such an authentic way that at the end of our lives we can confidently say , "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7). Jesus told us we'd have troubles so that we wouldn't develop a contrary point of view.  He wanted us to be aware of the pitfalls of life, and the toll sin has on humanity. But He also wanted us to be so rooted in Him that when faced with the harshness of life we could rest easy in the peace of knowing Him. Jesus illustrated our need for him in John 15:5 when he explains, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." In Him, our lives will bear much fruit, even when the world around us seems totally rotten. In Him, we can do all things (Philippians 4:13), but apart from Him, we can do nothing. For my stubborn soul, it took my heart going on a detour from Him to figure just how those Bible verses are. Turns out the Pharisee in me never even knew how far my heart had wandered from God. I looked real good on the outside, but I stopped guarding my heart and placed my faith in other things and had become nothing more than a whitewashed tomb. But true to His word, God never left me. True to His word, He is working all things together for His good. True to His word, He does treat me like a son and discipline me. True to His word, apart from Him I accomplish nothing that is of worth. I'm so grateful that I serve a loving and patient Father in heaven who knows just when I need a kick in the buttocks and when I need His arms to wrap around me and give me a hug. Even when He disciplines me,  He never fails to assure me that no matter how much I mess up, no matter how messy I get, He still loves me.

I'm amazed to see how I'm reacting to hurdles that not long ago would have left me shaking my fists at God until I was so exhausted I curled up into the fetal position in the corner and cried myself to sleep.  God is continually doing wonders in our lives, and often He is most exalted through our difficulties (2 Corinthians 12:9-11 ). One major lesson I have learned over the course of my last few years of being alive is that our reactions to difficulties are generally an accurate measurement of where we stand spiritually. My hearts desire is to know God so much that nothing hinders my walk with Him. I want to know Him so intimately, that though my world is shaking, I know He is right beside me.  I want to keep my eyes focused on Him, so that unlike Peter, when it's my time to walk on water I don't shift my focus from Christ onto the crashing waves and sink (Matthew 14:22-33).  I've sunk before and each and every time God has come to my rescue, but I'm doing all that I can do to learn from my past so that the next time the waves of life toss me around, my first reaction to is to know that as long as I keep my gaze on Christ He won't let me drown.

The Apostle Paul went through a lot of trials. In 2 Corinthians 11 he gives an exposition of the hardships that he endured. I often wonder when I read this if it ever crossed Paul's mind that he made a mistake by forsaking his status amongst the Jews. Here is a man who spent his life working to become a respected Jewish leader describing how he received 40 lashes minus one by the very people who used to laud him. And he received the 40 lashes minus one not just once, but five times. That had to hurt, and I'm sure that  in a fleeting moment the notion did cross his mind, but Paul was obviously determined to follow Christ no matter what, as he was also beaten with rods, stoned, shipwrecked, and chased by Jews, Gentiles, and bandits. Basically, Paul become a bit of an outlaw and was despised by a great deal of the population because of his faith. And after accepting this Jesus guy, nothing seemed to go right for Paul. But the keyword is seemed .

 I imagine Paul  questioning God's purpose and facing his doubts  as waves violently tossed his ship around the sea and as he felt his flesh torn by whips. Paul was one to freely speak his mind and I'm sure that he battled it out with God on a few occasions. I wonder exactly where Paul was and what he was enduring when he wrote Philippians 4:13? Was he in prison or was he being chased? Was he hungry and thirsty or well fed? Cold and naked?  On a ship en route to share the Gospel to masses of people or alone, sun-scorched, and shipwrecked on an island? I'm guessing that whatever circumstances surrounded him while writing it, that he reminded himself of it often. I'm assuming that as he was exposed to death time and time again, that he quoted " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" to help keep his mind focused on Jesus and not his circumstances.

Here is the thing- there is a pattern in the Bible of God using trials, temptation, and time to prepare people for His purposes. Often in our human nature we want to run  quickly from any trial, but James 1:2-4 instructs us to "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Romans 5:3-5 further drills in the concept that God uses trials for His glory and our benefit. "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Notice there is a process- first we suffer and then we persevere through it. Then  character is built, and that character produces hope.

I don't think that Paul could have or would have written Philippians 3:8 if once he accepted Jesus his life became all comfy and cozy. He probably would have returned to being a sanctimonious religious leader. Like most of us, Paul needed to experience failures so that God might become more and he might become less. In our moments of weakness and need, we turn to God, and in those moments He is glorified and begins the spiritual process of transforming us. Through the spiritual, physical, and emotional hardships that Paul endured, God was able to speak to his heart and Paul was able to gain an eternal perspective that otherwise he would have missed. Paul's lifelong trials were instrumental in God building Paul's character. If Paul had not faced the temptation to desert God that he experienced by being persecuted, if Paul had not repeatedly experienced trials and tribulations, and if results were immediate and Paul didn't have to patiently wait on God and His timing, then Paul would have missed out on the many blessings that arose. Though it seemed like little was working out in Paul's favor, God was using every circumstance  for His glory and to make Paul more like Christ.

Paul could honestly say that nothing compared to Christ and that he considered everything of this world rubbish compared to knowing Jesus. The Greek word that Paul used was (cover your eyes if you're a prude) skubala. Skubala is the English equivalent of the word shit. Paul didn't use a euphemism. Knowing what a great orator he was, I'm certain that was intentional. Did he do it for shock value? I don't think so. I simply think that he chose a vulgar, foul word to make his point very clear.  What was his point? Nothing can stand in comparison to the glory of knowing Christ.  No amount of power, or title, or authority that he gave up competes with the truth that he found in Jesus. No amount of money and no storehouse of possessions could make him consider turning back to his old life. And as he explained in 2 Corinthians 11, not even the most atrocious treatment could make him denounce his Savior. Yeah, I guess when you're that radical for Christ, everything else does kind of look like crap.

Paul begins the book of Philippians by assuring us that the God who has began a good work in us will see it through to completion. Does that mean that we won't struggle to understand God's purpose during tough times? Not at all. Even Jesus cried out from the cross "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46).  When trials come, approach them confidently, knowing that you won't always be able to see what God is doing through them, but He has promised that for those who love Him, all things work together for their good (Romans 8:28).

So what does your life look like? Ask yourself honestly- is your life a reflection of Jesus?

We can give a lot of things, but are we truly willing to give ourselves? Following Jesus requires that we surrender ourselves entirely to Him. When we're commanded to take up our crosses, that is a reminder that once we choose Jesus, we are dead to ourselves. That isn't a suggestion for super righteous and holy people. That is a requirement for all who believe in the Good News of Jesus.

Jesus loved the outcasts

Growing up in America two thousand years or so after Jesus walked the earth often makes it difficult to understand some of his teachings, it also makes it hard to relate to why those teachings seemed to rile people up so much.

Jesus was extreme. He hung out with people that he wasn't supposed to. Jews didn't associate with tax collectors, but Jesus sure did. And not only that, in Matthew 9:9-13 he recruited one to be His disciple. Being a disciple was a hard gig to get into, and Jesus picked one of the least respected people around to become one of his coveted followers.

Jewish men didn't speak with women in public. Not only did Jesus talk to women in public, in John 4:4-42 we see that he talked to a Samaritan women with a storied past. Samaritans and Jews were long standing enemies, and that was no secret. A Rabbi like Jesus mingling with a Samaritan might compare today to a high profile Israeli rubbing shoulders with a member of Hamas.  It just wouldn't make sense, unless of course you were the Son on Man, systematically destroying walls that generations of religious zeal had created.

Then of course there is the story of Jesus and the leper in Matthew 8:24. If you were a leper, you were a total outcast, but  not to Jesus. Once again, Jesus bucked convention. Once again Jesus shunned the social mores of his time in an extreme way.

The religious leaders were not fond of seeing how much care Jesus showed for the people that cultural and religious rules said should be avoided. They didn't like seeing Jesus with these groups of people, and they hated that those groups flocked to Him. And even worse for the religious folks, Jesus didn't just spend time with these people, He authentically loved them.

Jesus could have avoided many of the troubles that He faced if He had played it safe and followed the rules. If He had stuck to ministering in the same ways that were expected of Him, to the same people who already claimed to know God, then most of the hatred towards Him wouldn't have materialized the way that it did. But, the fact is, Jesus didn't play it safe. Jesus went into the trenches of the broke world that He came to save from its sins.  We're called to emulate Jesus. If we call ourselves His followers, our lives should reflect His.

So when is the last time you made a bold move against convention to show God's love?
When the last time you left the mainstream and joined the people on the fringes?
When's the last time you did something so crazy that you had to rely solely on the Holy Spirit to guide you?
If you're struggling to remember, maybe it's time you start reconsidering how committed you are to taking up your cross and following Jesus.

Who Do I Say He Is?

One of the most salient questions that Jesus ever asks in the Bible is  "But what about you? Who do you say that I am?"  Simon, who Jesus renamed Peter (translated "rock"), boldly answered that Jesus was the Christ, the promised Messiah that the Jews had been waiting for, and in turn, Jesus said that upon that rock he would build His church. I don't think that Jesus meant that he was designating Peter the first pope, as some would speculate. What I think lines up with Scripture more accurately is that the faith that Peter showed in Jesus' divineness, was the cornerstone necessary to take the message of Christ to all of the nations. That is the faith fundamental to building Christ's Church. Without it, Christianity ceases to exist.

The significance of names throughout Hebrew culture must be understood not just to put Peter's name change into context, but to understand the character of Christ himself. Names did not just serve the purpose of identification, but they also went deeper and became part of a person's identity itself. Jesus as the Christ. Jesus as the Son of Man. Those were major titles to bestow upon Himself, and that's why the religious people wanted to stone Him for blasphemy. Names were always significant to the Hebrews, because names were always how God chose to reveal Himself and recognize who He was. YHWH, the God of the Old Testament, was the same thousands of years ago in the desert and the Promised Land, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

As I read Matthew 16:15, it got me thinking about all of the Old Testament names of God. There's so many of them, and every one of them was a way that God chose to reveal aspects of His character to us. As mentioned above, God used names to describe Himself, so understanding those names is vitally important to knowing and understanding Him.

As I examined the heart of the question Jesus asked His disciples, I began to wonder who I really say that God is. I know that I say Jesus is the Messiah. There is no question in my heart that I believe that. But, who else do I say that He is?

Do I believe that He is El Shaddai,  Lord God Almighty? Do my actions reflect that belief?
 Do I believe that He is Adonai, Lord Master? Am I giving Him the authority that title permits Him? Does my life reflect that He is Jehovah Nissi, The Lord My Banner? Do people  wonder if I am a follower of Jesus, or is my relationship with Jesus as evident in my life as a banner flowing in the wind?
Do I believe Jesus is My Sheppard, Jehovah Raah? Does He know my name and lead me? Or when I hear His voice do I run because I don't recognize it and trust it (John 10) ?
Do I see Jesus as Jehovah Rapha, The God  that heals? Have I turned over my life physically, emotionally, and spiritually and am I trusting Jesus to revive them all?
When I feel alone, empty, and deserted, is Jesus my Jehovah Shammah? He has promised that He will never forsake me. The Lord is There (Hebews 13:5)
Have I allowed God to cleanse me from my sins and transform me out of worldly ways? Have I been set apart for His purposes? If  so, He is my Jehovah Meoddishkem, The Lord Who Sanctifies Me.

As I pondered His names, I realized that I don't always have the confidence  that I should. I realized that I haven't exercised all of my faith muscles, and some of them have atrophied. I realized that often I have settled for knowing God as the god that I have wanted Him to be, rather than allowing Him to be the God that He is.

One time I made a list..a very ugly list

Apparently a few years ago I was having a conversation with a very close chap of mine and he informed that I was angry at God. After finding the list I am about to post, I now recall the conversation quite vividly. I remember how patient he was listening to me. I remember knowing that I was irritate, yet vehemently denying it. I remember feeling as though I was some sort of spiritual leper for having such sentiments, especially knowing that most of the harsh feelings I was having really aimed directly at God Almighty.

At the end of the conversation, it was suggested that I acknowledge what I was feeling  and take it one step further  by writing it down. My friend insisted that I am a good writer and that penning things out would be useful and probably even therapeutic.  I do love to write, but for some reason I have always shied from writing much about my own feelings and emotions. I did not commit to his assignment, mainly because I can be quite stubborn. I don't know how much time passed between the conversation and me writing this list, but eventually I gave in. I think there were multiple pages to this list, but I only found one sheet of paper. Oh, the pitfalls of being disorganized.

The timing of finding this list couldn't be more appropriate. Yesterday I met with a lawyer about the whole being charged with Unlawfully Intercepting Communications situation. I've had a great deal of peace over the past month, even though I rejected a plea deal of nine months in prison and am now waiting for a trial date to be set. That peace supersedes all logic and can only be attributed as being supernatural. Of course I have my moments, and many people get to hear and see me in those ugly  moments, but those moments are usually a result of me processing things and figuring out how to digest them, and those moments have tended to be swift and are shrinking in the frequency in which they arise.

Anyways, yesterday turned my emotions upside down. I have one lawyer telling me he can't make this case go away but he can get charges reduced, and if he can't accomplish that, he can win this for me at trial.. I have another lawyer telling me that I am in big trouble and it appears my fate is sealed. I have another lawyer who agrees with me that a PA Supreme Court  ruling made last year exonerates me of all charges. Yesterdays lawyer seemed to agree with a little bit of every one of those possible outcomes. I am not always a patient man when it comes to results, so the fact that this incident has already been going on for several months, quite honestly, is getting on my nerves. I do not like not having a definitive answer. yesterday just shook me up in a way that I have never been shaken. As I was driving home, my heart began to beat very fast and I started to shake. Then everything got fuzzy. And a few moments later I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and had the sensation that I was choking. Out of all the stressful situations I have gotten myself into, out the countless crazy moments I've found myself in over the years, I'm surprised that my body decided to give me my first )and hopefully last) panic attack yesterday. It was a bad experience, and it frightened me and stressed me out.

I stopped in to talk to my pastor. I was pretty escalated when I first walked into his office, but gradually gained  composure. Through our conversation, I learned that I am not the only person who has ever gotten mad with God. I'm not the only person who, at times, struggles to rein in his emotions. I'm not the only one who has reached a breaking point like that. I'm not sure if I'd consider yesterday a breaking point, but nonetheless, it is a point that I'd never like to revisit.

I think I've gotten off on one of those side streets that I tend to wander onto. My point in all of that rambling was that Pastor reminded me that he deals with a lot of people who find themselves mad or confused at God. I knew I had this list, so I searched for it all morning. Oh, and for those of you who haven't figured it out just yet- My name is Ben Burdick and I am a flawed human who is learning to yield control of his life and let God chisel him away and turn him into a beautiful reflection of Christ.

So here's the list. It's a brutally ugly list. (keep in mind, it was written extemporaneously. I did not filter. I just wrote. This is like Ben's thought sushi. It is quite raw and reading it will be like seeing me emotionally naked. How's that for a thought?) :

I'm mad at God I lost my job

 

I'm mad God didn't stop me from taking a job at Chick-fil-A

 

I'm mad God let me feel peace about leaving a $15/hr job that I loved so I could get fired at Chick-fil-A

 

I'm mad at God Jamie stopped loving me

 

I'm mad God sent Jamie. He knew I was  going to get hurt

 

I'm mad God hasn't answered my prayers

 

I'm mad God doesn't take me seriously

 

I'm mad God let my  landlord from church steal all of my stuff. Why doesn't He make her business fail or make her car blow up like He did mine? Why do bad people get blessed?

 

I'm mad God tells everyone else His plans except for me

 

I'm mad God let Bobby Z [a mechanic] steal $2,000

 

I'm mad that God made me who I am. Why can't my brain like everybody else's?

 

I'm mad grandma died

 

I'm mad God let Mark steal $3,000

 

I'm mad how God made my brain and that everybody says to take pills

 

I'm mad at God my life isn't easier

  

I'm mad God lied to me

 

I'm mad at God for making my life tough

 

I'm mad God let me be a bad boyfriend

 

I'm mad God lets fake Christians be fake

 

I'm mad God blesses fake Christians



 

 

So there's the list.
 

Turns out my friend was right about the being angry stuff, huh? Also turns out that God has blessed me with some really amazing friends. They know me intimately. They put up with me  and teach me what grace is all about. They model patience to my impatient soul. They listen. They see my potential but don't overlook my flaws. And most importantly, they desire to see me be more like Christ, and are willing to speak up and minister to me when speaking up is necessary.

 

Turns out I am also very blessed that I serve a patient God who is more than capable of handling my doubt, even when I some how think that I am socking it to Him by aggressively presenting those doubts to Him. As I read that list, I am actually having a difficult time not laughing. The list isn't really funny, but I guess I find humor in it because I can see what God has done in my life, even as I have blatantly resisted Him for seasons of time.  

 

Life is about perspective. One verse that has been tossed my way a lot over the past three to four years has been 1 Corinthians 13:12 which reminds us,

 

                         ^" In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were

               peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday we are going to see him in his

                  completeness, face-to-face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see

                everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now". (Living Bible Translation)

 

 

When I wrote that list, I know I would not have enjoyed hearing that verse. I was too focused on myself.  One thing I am not seeing in that list is anger directed towards the things that hurt God's heart, such as windows and orphans being neglected. Nope, that list was coming from my vantage point and was solely focused on me.

 

It's never fun to lose a job (well, never is a strong word in this case, but I'd say rarely is it fun). It's never pleasant to lose somebody that you love. Being cheated, stolen from, and taken of advantage of certainly isn't something that elicits happy feelings either. But guess what? All of those things, as bad as they seem, are temporary problems.  A few books later in Corinthians Paul reminds us followers of Christ, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead. "(1 Corinthians 15:19-20)  If I believe that I serve the risen Christ, my life ought to reflect it. If I am thinking of the temporary, I'm not being Kingdom minded. I will easily be ensnared by worldly thoughts and beliefs and I will fall prey to the beast of self-centeredness. God does not get the glory that He deserves when I forget his sovereignty.

 

Reading Romans 14: 10-12 often sends chills through my body as it is a sobering reminder that one day every knee will bow before God, and that I will stand directly before Him and give account for my life. I don't fully understand how that day will look for myself and others, but that day will come for every human. The  chills that verse gives me aren't out of fear, because I know that God's work was completed on the cross. I don't fear eternity. In fact, I really look forward to it, because  I believe there is a reward in store for God's faithful. Plus, it is  likely that most of the questions that have plagued me will never fully be answered in this life. I'm looking forward to seeing through the glass more clearly, and I'm also looking forward to enjoying life to its fullest and growing day by day so that I don't allow my finite views of this life to be tainted, and my precious days to go by wasted.

 

There's a  series of questions that I am training myself to ask when negative thoughts start crawling out from the catacombs of my mind.

 

• Can I control this situation ?
• Am I trusting God to use this situation?
• Am I bowing down to God or trying to get God to bow down to me?

 

 

Lord, I Find You In The Seeking...

Funny how after I submitted that last post about doubt I was finding myself bored. The mild pain still lingering  from a seven mile run two days ago left  my curiosity hungry to learn more  about hip anatomy. It's been a while since I had anatomy, so I'm beyond rusty. Anyways, Youtube remembers the videos that users watch and it often makes suggestions based upon previous views. As the page loaded, I scrolled down to see what youtube was recommending to me today. The first video was All Son's and Daughters - Oh How I Need You. It is a beautiful song both musically and lyrically. I'm a sucker for anything with a banjo or fiddle. I guess that affinity should come as no surprise, since both sides of my family thoroughly enjoy bluegrass and gospel music.

Anyways, the honest and heartfelt lyrics to the song go:

Lord, I Find You In The Seeking

Lord I Find You In The Doubt

Oh How I Need You

 

Lord I find You in the morning
Lord I seek You everyday
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in Your threads of grace
I need You
Oh how I need You

I feel the words to this song mirror David's thoughts in Psalm 63:1

"Oh God, You are my God. Earnestly I will seek you. My soul thirsts for you, my  flesh longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

 

The Hebrew word used to describe seeking God actually translates to face. Well, if I understand correctly, the Hebrew word we use for "seek" literally means "presence". I'm no scholar, and I am certainly not a linguist, but the root of that word is pretty neat and adds a whole new understanding to the Old Testament scriptures talking about seeking God.  Have you ever been in a really large crowd and lost track of somebody you were with? I guess I imagine it this way- it's like leaving a sports arena. There's a sea of people flooding towards the exit. Ten of thousands of people all frantically rushing to get to their cars to beat traffic (which we know is impossible, especially in Pittsburgh. Traffic is unavoidable on game nights). The momentum is maddening and it seems like you're stuck in the middle of a stampede when suddenly you realize you've lost track of a loved one. All at once you don't care about getting back to your car, or landing a coveted seat at Primanti's to celebrate victory or not getting stuck in a stand still at the Tunnels for 45 minutes. Instantly all of those thoughts vanish from your mind. Without a moments hesitation, what were priorities just seconds earlier seem petty and insignificant.  Everything pales in comparison to finding your loved one. You scan the perimeter over and over and over, and all you are looking for is that one face.  That one face, that in that moment, feels hopelessly lost to you. Now imagine that surge of relief once you find them. Amazing, isn't it? Almost indescribable.

 

Have we ever longed after God like that? David definitely did. He was literally seeking God's face and wanted it more than anything else. Regardless of how we feel, God is there to be seen and felt. He is actively moving in our lives, and His Holy Spirit is readily speaking to us and guiding us. Regardless of whether we feel like we're stuck in a desert like David felt, or whether we feel we're living in the Promised Land, God is with us and He desires us to have a heart that seeks His face and thirsts after His presence.  Life is full of distractions. It moves pretty fast and it is easy to lose track of what counts. God doesn't want us to be content without Him. We're not designed that way. When we feel that sickening pit of absence deep within our souls, God wants us to cry out to Him, and when we do, He will not hide himself.  And when we experience Him, it is like nothing else in this world we can ever experience. When we find His face, nothing compares, not in that moment, and not ever again.

The Paradox of Salvation and the Realities of Doubt

"[T]he grand paradox or supreme irony of the Christian faith is that we are saved both by God and from God. The God of perfect holiness, who demands satisfaction for His justice and who will not wink at sin, has from all eternity decreed that He Himself should provide salvation to those very people who, by their sin, are exposed to His wrath and judgment."  R.C. Sproul

 

God demanded a sacrifice, and God became that sacrifice. Pretty strange when you stop to think about it. No wonder it takes God opening our spiritual eyes in order to accept His plan for salvation. No amount of  earthly logic can truly make sense of God's plan as demonstrated through the sacrifice of Christ.

 

In Christian theology one of the most important concept is that of propitiation. If you don't read the King James Bible or if  you don't have a M.Divinity degree, that word most likely is not in your working vocabulary and you probably can't find it in your Bible without a concordance

(1 John 2:2, 1 John 4:10, Romans 3:24-25). The word itself isn't used too often but the concept is basic to the Gospel. 

 

Essentially this fancy and outdated sounding word is a word that is used to describe a sacrifice that appeases God's wrath. For Christians, we believe that Jesus fully met that standard. Of course, believing does not mean that we will ever fully comprehend the gravity of what Christ did for us, at least not in our earthly forms.

 

Acknowledging that the Gospel does not fully make sense to the fleshly mind is not heretical; quite the contrary, it is actually Biblical. Until God unhardens a heart, it simply cannot comprehend the Gospel (Deut. 29:4, Matthew 13:11,John 6:44 2 Corinthians 4:3-4, Romans 8:7-8, Romans 11:8, Romans 11:25), and even once God soften our hearts and we become Christians, the fact remains that we are still human, and in our humanness there will always be elements of God that we simply cannot comprehend, but ultimately must accept. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever, and I believe that from the beginning of time He has wanted relationship with his creation, but as John 1:18 tells us, "Nobody has ever seen God but [Jesus]." And as we're told in the Old Testament in Exodus 33:20 , we can not see God's face, for nobody can see it and live.

 

I believe that we can know God, serve God, and love Him, but as we come to know and trust Him more and more, we should realize that in His greatness, we must accept that our finite minds simply could never grasp all of  who He is. Like it or not, God designed faith in such a way that it ceases to exist when all answers have been given. Without questions, faith simply is no longer faith. Doubt is actually a vital component to faith because it acts as catalyst (sorry if my analogy is totally off base or is that off acid... get it? Ha ha. Waka waka. Anyways, I was a terrible chemistry student and I don't even know what a catalyst is, and a base is something you steal in baseball, but I think the word fits and I think I sort of made a decent science joke). God can and does build strong faith out of an honest heart that is willing to admit its inabilities and weaknesses.  In Our weaknesses, God is made strong ( 2 Corinthains 12:9). Be bold, confront your doubts, but make sure that you take them to God and see what He can do with them. If you're patient and willing to let Him have control, you'll be amazed at the results. They too will probably seem a little bit crazy to your earthly mind!

Let's look at Mark 9:22-24 for a second, because I don't want to leave the impression that I am pulling my ideas out from a hat. Jesus is able to see into the depths of our hearts. Time and time again throughout the New Testament that fact is made soberingly obvious. Why do you think  1 John 3:15 tells us that if we're angry at somebody we have murdered them? God measures the heart. Again, why do you think Jesus says that if we lust, we commit adultery? God sees every aspect of us - the good, the bad, the motives known and the motives unknown, the dark, the light, the faith, and the doubts. God see that all. So, back to Mark 9:22-24. The father asks Jesus to cure his son if He is able. Jesus' response dissects the father's belief structure in a matter of a few breaths. Jesus' response was classic. I imagine Him looking  the father right in the eyes as he responded back "If You can?" Here is a man approaching Jesus and asking Him to heal his son who has had an affliction since childhood. An affliction that nobody else could heal. An affliction that I'm guessing the man had spent countless amounts of time and money trying to get healed. Jesus saw the doubt of the fathert, but He also saw that the man did not let His doubt overcome him so much that he lost total belief. The man was still willing to come to Jesus and ask. Sometimes, I think that is all that God requires of us - that we approach Him openly and honestly, and with humility.

So lets travel to another  story in the Bible  that affirms doubt as being a natural component to a living and growing faith life. If we're going to  walk this life with Jesus and do so authentically, sometimes we're going to have doubt(s), which we see narrated perfectly clear in John 11. This chapter  provides the account of the death of Lazarus. Lazarus was the brother of Mary, the same Mary, the Bible tells us, who loved Jesus so much that she humbled herself  and poured expensive perfume on his feet and began to wash them with her hair. Foot washing is a practice that is more or less extinct, at least beyond a ritual sense. But if we can take our minds back to a time where roads were dirty,  Nike didn't exist and sandals were primitive, and walking was the main source of transportation, we can sort of begin to understand why people would wash the feet of guests before they entered their homes. It wasn't because they had expensive carpet they wanted to keep clean - it was done as a gesture of hospitality, and whomever was doing the foot washing was acting in a very humble role. So Mary was humble, and Mary obviously loved Jesus because the perfume she poured was extremely costly. Jesus heard about Mary and her sick brother and instead of rushing to them, He stayed where He was and continued doing His own thing for the next two days. Jesus tells the disciples that Lazarus is dead but that He is happy about that because He is about to blow their minds and show them a pretty amazing miracle. The disciples are kind of cluesless like usual but they follow Jesus to Bethany, where Lazarus has died. When Jesus arrives, we get to see both the faith and doubts of Lazarus' two sisters, Mary and Martha.

I'm not advocating that we begin to doubt everything, I'm simply saying that there is not much point trying to hide our insecurities and doubts from a God who already knows them. Read John 11 and see how Jesus was loving and faithful to Mary and Martha. When we try to hide things from God, even if it is something we identify as negative like doubt, we aren't fully trusting in Him. If we believe that He is a God who knows all, then lets give Him all.