So what does your life look like? Ask yourself honestly- is your life a reflection of Jesus?

We can give a lot of things, but are we truly willing to give ourselves? Following Jesus requires that we surrender ourselves entirely to Him. When we're commanded to take up our crosses, that is a reminder that once we choose Jesus, we are dead to ourselves. That isn't a suggestion for super righteous and holy people. That is a requirement for all who believe in the Good News of Jesus.

Jesus loved the outcasts

Growing up in America two thousand years or so after Jesus walked the earth often makes it difficult to understand some of his teachings, it also makes it hard to relate to why those teachings seemed to rile people up so much.

Jesus was extreme. He hung out with people that he wasn't supposed to. Jews didn't associate with tax collectors, but Jesus sure did. And not only that, in Matthew 9:9-13 he recruited one to be His disciple. Being a disciple was a hard gig to get into, and Jesus picked one of the least respected people around to become one of his coveted followers.

Jewish men didn't speak with women in public. Not only did Jesus talk to women in public, in John 4:4-42 we see that he talked to a Samaritan women with a storied past. Samaritans and Jews were long standing enemies, and that was no secret. A Rabbi like Jesus mingling with a Samaritan might compare today to a high profile Israeli rubbing shoulders with a member of Hamas.  It just wouldn't make sense, unless of course you were the Son on Man, systematically destroying walls that generations of religious zeal had created.

Then of course there is the story of Jesus and the leper in Matthew 8:24. If you were a leper, you were a total outcast, but  not to Jesus. Once again, Jesus bucked convention. Once again Jesus shunned the social mores of his time in an extreme way.

The religious leaders were not fond of seeing how much care Jesus showed for the people that cultural and religious rules said should be avoided. They didn't like seeing Jesus with these groups of people, and they hated that those groups flocked to Him. And even worse for the religious folks, Jesus didn't just spend time with these people, He authentically loved them.

Jesus could have avoided many of the troubles that He faced if He had played it safe and followed the rules. If He had stuck to ministering in the same ways that were expected of Him, to the same people who already claimed to know God, then most of the hatred towards Him wouldn't have materialized the way that it did. But, the fact is, Jesus didn't play it safe. Jesus went into the trenches of the broke world that He came to save from its sins.  We're called to emulate Jesus. If we call ourselves His followers, our lives should reflect His.

So when is the last time you made a bold move against convention to show God's love?
When the last time you left the mainstream and joined the people on the fringes?
When's the last time you did something so crazy that you had to rely solely on the Holy Spirit to guide you?
If you're struggling to remember, maybe it's time you start reconsidering how committed you are to taking up your cross and following Jesus.

Who Do I Say He Is?

One of the most salient questions that Jesus ever asks in the Bible is  "But what about you? Who do you say that I am?"  Simon, who Jesus renamed Peter (translated "rock"), boldly answered that Jesus was the Christ, the promised Messiah that the Jews had been waiting for, and in turn, Jesus said that upon that rock he would build His church. I don't think that Jesus meant that he was designating Peter the first pope, as some would speculate. What I think lines up with Scripture more accurately is that the faith that Peter showed in Jesus' divineness, was the cornerstone necessary to take the message of Christ to all of the nations. That is the faith fundamental to building Christ's Church. Without it, Christianity ceases to exist.

The significance of names throughout Hebrew culture must be understood not just to put Peter's name change into context, but to understand the character of Christ himself. Names did not just serve the purpose of identification, but they also went deeper and became part of a person's identity itself. Jesus as the Christ. Jesus as the Son of Man. Those were major titles to bestow upon Himself, and that's why the religious people wanted to stone Him for blasphemy. Names were always significant to the Hebrews, because names were always how God chose to reveal Himself and recognize who He was. YHWH, the God of the Old Testament, was the same thousands of years ago in the desert and the Promised Land, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

As I read Matthew 16:15, it got me thinking about all of the Old Testament names of God. There's so many of them, and every one of them was a way that God chose to reveal aspects of His character to us. As mentioned above, God used names to describe Himself, so understanding those names is vitally important to knowing and understanding Him.

As I examined the heart of the question Jesus asked His disciples, I began to wonder who I really say that God is. I know that I say Jesus is the Messiah. There is no question in my heart that I believe that. But, who else do I say that He is?

Do I believe that He is El Shaddai,  Lord God Almighty? Do my actions reflect that belief?
 Do I believe that He is Adonai, Lord Master? Am I giving Him the authority that title permits Him? Does my life reflect that He is Jehovah Nissi, The Lord My Banner? Do people  wonder if I am a follower of Jesus, or is my relationship with Jesus as evident in my life as a banner flowing in the wind?
Do I believe Jesus is My Sheppard, Jehovah Raah? Does He know my name and lead me? Or when I hear His voice do I run because I don't recognize it and trust it (John 10) ?
Do I see Jesus as Jehovah Rapha, The God  that heals? Have I turned over my life physically, emotionally, and spiritually and am I trusting Jesus to revive them all?
When I feel alone, empty, and deserted, is Jesus my Jehovah Shammah? He has promised that He will never forsake me. The Lord is There (Hebews 13:5)
Have I allowed God to cleanse me from my sins and transform me out of worldly ways? Have I been set apart for His purposes? If  so, He is my Jehovah Meoddishkem, The Lord Who Sanctifies Me.

As I pondered His names, I realized that I don't always have the confidence  that I should. I realized that I haven't exercised all of my faith muscles, and some of them have atrophied. I realized that often I have settled for knowing God as the god that I have wanted Him to be, rather than allowing Him to be the God that He is.

One time I made a list..a very ugly list

Apparently a few years ago I was having a conversation with a very close chap of mine and he informed that I was angry at God. After finding the list I am about to post, I now recall the conversation quite vividly. I remember how patient he was listening to me. I remember knowing that I was irritate, yet vehemently denying it. I remember feeling as though I was some sort of spiritual leper for having such sentiments, especially knowing that most of the harsh feelings I was having really aimed directly at God Almighty.

At the end of the conversation, it was suggested that I acknowledge what I was feeling  and take it one step further  by writing it down. My friend insisted that I am a good writer and that penning things out would be useful and probably even therapeutic.  I do love to write, but for some reason I have always shied from writing much about my own feelings and emotions. I did not commit to his assignment, mainly because I can be quite stubborn. I don't know how much time passed between the conversation and me writing this list, but eventually I gave in. I think there were multiple pages to this list, but I only found one sheet of paper. Oh, the pitfalls of being disorganized.

The timing of finding this list couldn't be more appropriate. Yesterday I met with a lawyer about the whole being charged with Unlawfully Intercepting Communications situation. I've had a great deal of peace over the past month, even though I rejected a plea deal of nine months in prison and am now waiting for a trial date to be set. That peace supersedes all logic and can only be attributed as being supernatural. Of course I have my moments, and many people get to hear and see me in those ugly  moments, but those moments are usually a result of me processing things and figuring out how to digest them, and those moments have tended to be swift and are shrinking in the frequency in which they arise.

Anyways, yesterday turned my emotions upside down. I have one lawyer telling me he can't make this case go away but he can get charges reduced, and if he can't accomplish that, he can win this for me at trial.. I have another lawyer telling me that I am in big trouble and it appears my fate is sealed. I have another lawyer who agrees with me that a PA Supreme Court  ruling made last year exonerates me of all charges. Yesterdays lawyer seemed to agree with a little bit of every one of those possible outcomes. I am not always a patient man when it comes to results, so the fact that this incident has already been going on for several months, quite honestly, is getting on my nerves. I do not like not having a definitive answer. yesterday just shook me up in a way that I have never been shaken. As I was driving home, my heart began to beat very fast and I started to shake. Then everything got fuzzy. And a few moments later I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and had the sensation that I was choking. Out of all the stressful situations I have gotten myself into, out the countless crazy moments I've found myself in over the years, I'm surprised that my body decided to give me my first )and hopefully last) panic attack yesterday. It was a bad experience, and it frightened me and stressed me out.

I stopped in to talk to my pastor. I was pretty escalated when I first walked into his office, but gradually gained  composure. Through our conversation, I learned that I am not the only person who has ever gotten mad with God. I'm not the only person who, at times, struggles to rein in his emotions. I'm not the only one who has reached a breaking point like that. I'm not sure if I'd consider yesterday a breaking point, but nonetheless, it is a point that I'd never like to revisit.

I think I've gotten off on one of those side streets that I tend to wander onto. My point in all of that rambling was that Pastor reminded me that he deals with a lot of people who find themselves mad or confused at God. I knew I had this list, so I searched for it all morning. Oh, and for those of you who haven't figured it out just yet- My name is Ben Burdick and I am a flawed human who is learning to yield control of his life and let God chisel him away and turn him into a beautiful reflection of Christ.

So here's the list. It's a brutally ugly list. (keep in mind, it was written extemporaneously. I did not filter. I just wrote. This is like Ben's thought sushi. It is quite raw and reading it will be like seeing me emotionally naked. How's that for a thought?) :

I'm mad at God I lost my job

 

I'm mad God didn't stop me from taking a job at Chick-fil-A

 

I'm mad God let me feel peace about leaving a $15/hr job that I loved so I could get fired at Chick-fil-A

 

I'm mad at God Jamie stopped loving me

 

I'm mad God sent Jamie. He knew I was  going to get hurt

 

I'm mad God hasn't answered my prayers

 

I'm mad God doesn't take me seriously

 

I'm mad God let my  landlord from church steal all of my stuff. Why doesn't He make her business fail or make her car blow up like He did mine? Why do bad people get blessed?

 

I'm mad God tells everyone else His plans except for me

 

I'm mad God let Bobby Z [a mechanic] steal $2,000

 

I'm mad that God made me who I am. Why can't my brain like everybody else's?

 

I'm mad grandma died

 

I'm mad God let Mark steal $3,000

 

I'm mad how God made my brain and that everybody says to take pills

 

I'm mad at God my life isn't easier

  

I'm mad God lied to me

 

I'm mad at God for making my life tough

 

I'm mad God let me be a bad boyfriend

 

I'm mad God lets fake Christians be fake

 

I'm mad God blesses fake Christians



 

 

So there's the list.
 

Turns out my friend was right about the being angry stuff, huh? Also turns out that God has blessed me with some really amazing friends. They know me intimately. They put up with me  and teach me what grace is all about. They model patience to my impatient soul. They listen. They see my potential but don't overlook my flaws. And most importantly, they desire to see me be more like Christ, and are willing to speak up and minister to me when speaking up is necessary.

 

Turns out I am also very blessed that I serve a patient God who is more than capable of handling my doubt, even when I some how think that I am socking it to Him by aggressively presenting those doubts to Him. As I read that list, I am actually having a difficult time not laughing. The list isn't really funny, but I guess I find humor in it because I can see what God has done in my life, even as I have blatantly resisted Him for seasons of time.  

 

Life is about perspective. One verse that has been tossed my way a lot over the past three to four years has been 1 Corinthians 13:12 which reminds us,

 

                         ^" In the same way, we can see and understand only a little about God now, as if we were

               peering at his reflection in a poor mirror; but someday we are going to see him in his

                  completeness, face-to-face. Now all that I know is hazy and blurred, but then I will see

                everything clearly, just as clearly as God sees into my heart right now". (Living Bible Translation)

 

 

When I wrote that list, I know I would not have enjoyed hearing that verse. I was too focused on myself.  One thing I am not seeing in that list is anger directed towards the things that hurt God's heart, such as windows and orphans being neglected. Nope, that list was coming from my vantage point and was solely focused on me.

 

It's never fun to lose a job (well, never is a strong word in this case, but I'd say rarely is it fun). It's never pleasant to lose somebody that you love. Being cheated, stolen from, and taken of advantage of certainly isn't something that elicits happy feelings either. But guess what? All of those things, as bad as they seem, are temporary problems.  A few books later in Corinthians Paul reminds us followers of Christ, "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead. "(1 Corinthians 15:19-20)  If I believe that I serve the risen Christ, my life ought to reflect it. If I am thinking of the temporary, I'm not being Kingdom minded. I will easily be ensnared by worldly thoughts and beliefs and I will fall prey to the beast of self-centeredness. God does not get the glory that He deserves when I forget his sovereignty.

 

Reading Romans 14: 10-12 often sends chills through my body as it is a sobering reminder that one day every knee will bow before God, and that I will stand directly before Him and give account for my life. I don't fully understand how that day will look for myself and others, but that day will come for every human. The  chills that verse gives me aren't out of fear, because I know that God's work was completed on the cross. I don't fear eternity. In fact, I really look forward to it, because  I believe there is a reward in store for God's faithful. Plus, it is  likely that most of the questions that have plagued me will never fully be answered in this life. I'm looking forward to seeing through the glass more clearly, and I'm also looking forward to enjoying life to its fullest and growing day by day so that I don't allow my finite views of this life to be tainted, and my precious days to go by wasted.

 

There's a  series of questions that I am training myself to ask when negative thoughts start crawling out from the catacombs of my mind.

 

• Can I control this situation ?
• Am I trusting God to use this situation?
• Am I bowing down to God or trying to get God to bow down to me?

 

 

Lord, I Find You In The Seeking...

Funny how after I submitted that last post about doubt I was finding myself bored. The mild pain still lingering  from a seven mile run two days ago left  my curiosity hungry to learn more  about hip anatomy. It's been a while since I had anatomy, so I'm beyond rusty. Anyways, Youtube remembers the videos that users watch and it often makes suggestions based upon previous views. As the page loaded, I scrolled down to see what youtube was recommending to me today. The first video was All Son's and Daughters - Oh How I Need You. It is a beautiful song both musically and lyrically. I'm a sucker for anything with a banjo or fiddle. I guess that affinity should come as no surprise, since both sides of my family thoroughly enjoy bluegrass and gospel music.

Anyways, the honest and heartfelt lyrics to the song go:

Lord, I Find You In The Seeking

Lord I Find You In The Doubt

Oh How I Need You

 

Lord I find You in the morning
Lord I seek You everyday
Let my life be for Your glory
Woven in Your threads of grace
I need You
Oh how I need You

I feel the words to this song mirror David's thoughts in Psalm 63:1

"Oh God, You are my God. Earnestly I will seek you. My soul thirsts for you, my  flesh longs for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

 

The Hebrew word used to describe seeking God actually translates to face. Well, if I understand correctly, the Hebrew word we use for "seek" literally means "presence". I'm no scholar, and I am certainly not a linguist, but the root of that word is pretty neat and adds a whole new understanding to the Old Testament scriptures talking about seeking God.  Have you ever been in a really large crowd and lost track of somebody you were with? I guess I imagine it this way- it's like leaving a sports arena. There's a sea of people flooding towards the exit. Ten of thousands of people all frantically rushing to get to their cars to beat traffic (which we know is impossible, especially in Pittsburgh. Traffic is unavoidable on game nights). The momentum is maddening and it seems like you're stuck in the middle of a stampede when suddenly you realize you've lost track of a loved one. All at once you don't care about getting back to your car, or landing a coveted seat at Primanti's to celebrate victory or not getting stuck in a stand still at the Tunnels for 45 minutes. Instantly all of those thoughts vanish from your mind. Without a moments hesitation, what were priorities just seconds earlier seem petty and insignificant.  Everything pales in comparison to finding your loved one. You scan the perimeter over and over and over, and all you are looking for is that one face.  That one face, that in that moment, feels hopelessly lost to you. Now imagine that surge of relief once you find them. Amazing, isn't it? Almost indescribable.

 

Have we ever longed after God like that? David definitely did. He was literally seeking God's face and wanted it more than anything else. Regardless of how we feel, God is there to be seen and felt. He is actively moving in our lives, and His Holy Spirit is readily speaking to us and guiding us. Regardless of whether we feel like we're stuck in a desert like David felt, or whether we feel we're living in the Promised Land, God is with us and He desires us to have a heart that seeks His face and thirsts after His presence.  Life is full of distractions. It moves pretty fast and it is easy to lose track of what counts. God doesn't want us to be content without Him. We're not designed that way. When we feel that sickening pit of absence deep within our souls, God wants us to cry out to Him, and when we do, He will not hide himself.  And when we experience Him, it is like nothing else in this world we can ever experience. When we find His face, nothing compares, not in that moment, and not ever again.

The Paradox of Salvation and the Realities of Doubt

"[T]he grand paradox or supreme irony of the Christian faith is that we are saved both by God and from God. The God of perfect holiness, who demands satisfaction for His justice and who will not wink at sin, has from all eternity decreed that He Himself should provide salvation to those very people who, by their sin, are exposed to His wrath and judgment."  R.C. Sproul

 

God demanded a sacrifice, and God became that sacrifice. Pretty strange when you stop to think about it. No wonder it takes God opening our spiritual eyes in order to accept His plan for salvation. No amount of  earthly logic can truly make sense of God's plan as demonstrated through the sacrifice of Christ.

 

In Christian theology one of the most important concept is that of propitiation. If you don't read the King James Bible or if  you don't have a M.Divinity degree, that word most likely is not in your working vocabulary and you probably can't find it in your Bible without a concordance

(1 John 2:2, 1 John 4:10, Romans 3:24-25). The word itself isn't used too often but the concept is basic to the Gospel. 

 

Essentially this fancy and outdated sounding word is a word that is used to describe a sacrifice that appeases God's wrath. For Christians, we believe that Jesus fully met that standard. Of course, believing does not mean that we will ever fully comprehend the gravity of what Christ did for us, at least not in our earthly forms.

 

Acknowledging that the Gospel does not fully make sense to the fleshly mind is not heretical; quite the contrary, it is actually Biblical. Until God unhardens a heart, it simply cannot comprehend the Gospel (Deut. 29:4, Matthew 13:11,John 6:44 2 Corinthians 4:3-4, Romans 8:7-8, Romans 11:8, Romans 11:25), and even once God soften our hearts and we become Christians, the fact remains that we are still human, and in our humanness there will always be elements of God that we simply cannot comprehend, but ultimately must accept. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever, and I believe that from the beginning of time He has wanted relationship with his creation, but as John 1:18 tells us, "Nobody has ever seen God but [Jesus]." And as we're told in the Old Testament in Exodus 33:20 , we can not see God's face, for nobody can see it and live.

 

I believe that we can know God, serve God, and love Him, but as we come to know and trust Him more and more, we should realize that in His greatness, we must accept that our finite minds simply could never grasp all of  who He is. Like it or not, God designed faith in such a way that it ceases to exist when all answers have been given. Without questions, faith simply is no longer faith. Doubt is actually a vital component to faith because it acts as catalyst (sorry if my analogy is totally off base or is that off acid... get it? Ha ha. Waka waka. Anyways, I was a terrible chemistry student and I don't even know what a catalyst is, and a base is something you steal in baseball, but I think the word fits and I think I sort of made a decent science joke). God can and does build strong faith out of an honest heart that is willing to admit its inabilities and weaknesses.  In Our weaknesses, God is made strong ( 2 Corinthains 12:9). Be bold, confront your doubts, but make sure that you take them to God and see what He can do with them. If you're patient and willing to let Him have control, you'll be amazed at the results. They too will probably seem a little bit crazy to your earthly mind!

Let's look at Mark 9:22-24 for a second, because I don't want to leave the impression that I am pulling my ideas out from a hat. Jesus is able to see into the depths of our hearts. Time and time again throughout the New Testament that fact is made soberingly obvious. Why do you think  1 John 3:15 tells us that if we're angry at somebody we have murdered them? God measures the heart. Again, why do you think Jesus says that if we lust, we commit adultery? God sees every aspect of us - the good, the bad, the motives known and the motives unknown, the dark, the light, the faith, and the doubts. God see that all. So, back to Mark 9:22-24. The father asks Jesus to cure his son if He is able. Jesus' response dissects the father's belief structure in a matter of a few breaths. Jesus' response was classic. I imagine Him looking  the father right in the eyes as he responded back "If You can?" Here is a man approaching Jesus and asking Him to heal his son who has had an affliction since childhood. An affliction that nobody else could heal. An affliction that I'm guessing the man had spent countless amounts of time and money trying to get healed. Jesus saw the doubt of the fathert, but He also saw that the man did not let His doubt overcome him so much that he lost total belief. The man was still willing to come to Jesus and ask. Sometimes, I think that is all that God requires of us - that we approach Him openly and honestly, and with humility.

So lets travel to another  story in the Bible  that affirms doubt as being a natural component to a living and growing faith life. If we're going to  walk this life with Jesus and do so authentically, sometimes we're going to have doubt(s), which we see narrated perfectly clear in John 11. This chapter  provides the account of the death of Lazarus. Lazarus was the brother of Mary, the same Mary, the Bible tells us, who loved Jesus so much that she humbled herself  and poured expensive perfume on his feet and began to wash them with her hair. Foot washing is a practice that is more or less extinct, at least beyond a ritual sense. But if we can take our minds back to a time where roads were dirty,  Nike didn't exist and sandals were primitive, and walking was the main source of transportation, we can sort of begin to understand why people would wash the feet of guests before they entered their homes. It wasn't because they had expensive carpet they wanted to keep clean - it was done as a gesture of hospitality, and whomever was doing the foot washing was acting in a very humble role. So Mary was humble, and Mary obviously loved Jesus because the perfume she poured was extremely costly. Jesus heard about Mary and her sick brother and instead of rushing to them, He stayed where He was and continued doing His own thing for the next two days. Jesus tells the disciples that Lazarus is dead but that He is happy about that because He is about to blow their minds and show them a pretty amazing miracle. The disciples are kind of cluesless like usual but they follow Jesus to Bethany, where Lazarus has died. When Jesus arrives, we get to see both the faith and doubts of Lazarus' two sisters, Mary and Martha.

I'm not advocating that we begin to doubt everything, I'm simply saying that there is not much point trying to hide our insecurities and doubts from a God who already knows them. Read John 11 and see how Jesus was loving and faithful to Mary and Martha. When we try to hide things from God, even if it is something we identify as negative like doubt, we aren't fully trusting in Him. If we believe that He is a God who knows all, then lets give Him all.

I've always dreamed of being a husband, and I have  always been very observant and analytical. As such, I realized at a very early age that being a godly man is not easy, nor is marriage or being a godly spouse and father. I used to listen to Focus on the Family every night and take notes. Then when I got to high school and got a steady job, I would buy books on relationships and spend days on end translating the contents into sentences that I could better understand and relate to. I'd fill up a legal pad half full of notes dissecting the contents of one book. I'd expand on things, I'd argue concepts to myself, I'd cross reference ideas to Bible verses, I'd dream about how all this information would help and equip me in the future.

I've learned from experience now that having head knowledge about relationships does not always make them easier or smoother, nor does it ensure that I will do the right thing or prevent me from doing the wrong things. Either way, I have decided to gradually try and consolidate what remains of the cluster of old notebooks and papers full of ideas and concepts about relationships and love.

I've made a separate blog, because if I stick with this, it is going to be a large blog.

http://lovedoneright.blogspot.com/

Hebrews 3:7-8  gives a stern warning, "The Holy Spirit says, 'Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness...'"

Matthew Henry's Commentary teaches about this verse  that "the hardening of the heart is the spring of all other sins." He further goes on to describe the effects of a hardened heart "...once we allow ourselves to distrust God, we may soon desert him." Think a little about the dynamics the Jews had with God in the Old Testament. God was constantly moving in supernatural way, He was continually revealing Himself to His people, and yet, time after time the Jews turned away from God.

If we're honest, at time we're not different than the Jews were. If  we pay attention, the Holy Spirit is constantly speaking to us and challenging our hearts, but it is easy to miss out on or to simply ignore it. God wants to reach right down into our hearts, so we in return can reach out to the world.  God wants to make us uncomfortable so that we learn to rely on Him and so that our faith and testimonies point the world directly to Him. If we start forming the habit of asking God to show us small ways to show people His love, He'll start moving in huge and unimaginable ways. God wants me to reach out and love the world, and He's always communicating ways to do so. His methods will vary, but He's always at work, He's always guiding our path, He's always nudging us to let Him use us to show the world His glory.  And the cool part about it is, God doesn't just use these situations to help others- He uses them to shape us, to heal us, to build us up and edify us, and ultimately, to make us a little more like Jesus.

Being Quick to Listen

I enjoy watching people. It is one of my favorite pastimes.

I generally glance at faces first. I like eyes, so I try to catch a glimpse of them, after all, eyes are the gateway to the soul. That's  not a Biblical statement, but it is a commonly used cliché, and as clichés go, I kind of like it. After the eyes, I  focus on their expression and try to imagine what kind of day they are having. Are they stressed?  Are they happy? Are they in love? Did their family dog just die? Next I  inevitably start filling in the blanks and create a mini story. I script out what kind of life they have lived.  I assign them an age and I examine their face for wrinkles. If wrinkles are there, I ponder if they were earned from intensive labor in the sun or too many hours relaxing at the beach?  Are they a product of years of smiling or maybe a little too much frowning?  Are the creases subtle or prominent? Is their skin  leathery and toughened from age or is soft and delicate?

 From the face, I generally glance down at their shoes. My pastor always said that you can tell a great deal about a person by their shoes. I have come to agree with that statement. You can tell whether they are a sporty type or an outdoorsy type. You can presume whether they are active and athletic. You can sometimes guess what profession they are in, or at least whether they are a professional. Shoe watching is a hobby to be mastered all in itself. If you don't think I am serious, start paying closer attention to people's shoes. Shoe watching is an amazing sociological adventure!

After I've grown bored, I will usually start talking with God about all of the people I just encountered. I will ask Him to move in their lives and draw them to Him. I'll pray for whatever unknown problems might be happening in their lives. Then I'll pray for their families

For a guy who truly enjoys people in just about every capacity and has a propensity to thoroughly analyze them, I have come to learn that I am not always a good listener. I have learned the hard way that one of the simplest methods to show somebody that you love them is to listen to them. I've been blessed to have some wonderful people who modeled  the skill of listening to me, such as my best friend Bryan. Bryan has sat in silence and listened to me intently for hours straight in some of my best as well as some of my worst moments. Honestly, I don't know if  I have ever just sat and actively listened to anybody for that length of time, and Bryan has done it over and over again for me. I know that he loves me for many reasons, but the fact that he makes the effort to listen to me anytime that I need to be heard ranks highly on those list of reasons.

I care about people, I really do. But I can't help but wonder how many people I have offended in my lifetime by being a poor listener?  The book of James tells us to be slow to speak and quick to listen. Some how I managed to get that formula backwards. My natural tendency is to talk much more than I listen.  Talking is not inherently bad, but it is poisonous when  it occurs when silence is necessary and a listening ear is actively being sought. When I care enough about a person to listen to them, I don't have to do anything to show them God's love besides to tame my tongue and to be available to sincerely hear them out.  Dean Rusk, a Former US Secretary of State is noted as having said, " One of the best ways to persuade anyone is with your ears - by listening to them." That statement doesn't just ring true in politics, it has a universal truth that proves true in most circumstances. In the  end of my life, if I want the reputation of being a man who overflowed with Christ's love. I know that I have a great deal of work to do, and one area in major need of adjustment is my listening habits.

Discerning God's Will

How do we come to know God's will? I've grown up hearing that the Bible has all of the answers that I ever need. As indecisive as I can be, I often wish that were the case but it's not an entirely accurate statement. Can I open up the Bible and find the answer as to whether I should buy a Honda, Ford, or Maserati? Will the Bible tell me whether I should become a writer, a doctor, a teacher, or a janitor?  Can I open up the Bible and find out if I am supposed to marry Sally or Samantha? The Bible simply doesn't give an answer for every decision I will have to face, but the Bible does give us wisdom to help us make decisions. And in the gaps, that is where the Holy Spirit comes into play.

Jesus equated His followers to sheep. He  said that the sheep listen to his voice and he calls his sheep by name and leads them (John 10:3) Now that Jesus isn't here on earth, we have the Holy Spirit to help guide us.  That same voice Jesus was talking about in John 10 is available to us through the Holy Spirit.  It takes discipline learning to tune into the Holy Spirit, but God promises to lead and direct us. James 1:5 also assures us that "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." It doesn't say that God might give us wisdom, it assures and promises that He will.

I am learning not to be anxious. I am learning to be patient and persistent in my asking, and I am learning to be still, know that God is in control and listen for His response, because if I ask, He has guaranteed that He will give it.

2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This is no easy task and to accomplish it requires not just a reliance upon the Holy Spirit, but it also requires us to take ownership and responsibility for the thoughts that we allow to wander in our minds. When we ask God to help us control our thought lives, He will begin the task of revealing to us areas that do not align with His Word. This often gets ugly, especially when God starts digging into deeply rooted issues which we've been refusing to acknowledge and to turn over to Him.

I've seen both sides of this. I'm not good with filtering my emotions. My emotions often weave a giant web of confusion in my head, but God has been gently and patiently removing what does not conform to  His best for me.  It has not been fun, and I'd be a liar if I said that I haven't tried to fight Him about the disruption I've felt He has been causing me. Once I cry uncle and submit to God, the results are not always instantaneous, but the evidence of the work being done can be seen.

Over the past few years I've struggled with doubts. I've hauled around the heavy burden of resentment, sometimes towards God and sometimes towards people.  I've found myself in denial of obvious realities. I've created problems and blamed others and God for the messes they resulted in.  I've sprinted in the opposite direction from God's voice in ways that make Jonah appear to be obedient. All of these examples came to fruition as a result of not properly identifying and dealing with emotions.

Emotions will lie. In order to conquer emotions  rather  than be conquered by them, we must train to recognize them. We must pay close attention to which ones can overcome us the easiest. We must learn our strong spots and weak spots. We must pay attention to triggers.And more importantly, we must study God's Word and compare if how we are feeling and reacting matches His standards.

If you were transported to The Hundred Acre Wood, the land of Winnie The Pooh, would you rather been roommates with Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, or Eeyore? My guess is that you probably picked anybody but Eeyore. If you did pick Eeyore, you either have a special heart to be around and minister to people who are constantly sad and gloomy, or quite possibly, you yourself are a negative person who wants to be surrounded by other negative people.

The reality is that negative people are difficult to be around. They can be tolerated in moderate doses, but after long their unhappy disposition grows tiresome. Everybody has their moments. In fact, we all even have "those days", but when our spirit is constantly overtaken with the tendency to point out everything that is wrong in the universe, we lose our appeal. We are called to be salt and light to the earth, and if we aren't being salt and light, we aren't doing our jobs as Christians.

God wants us to be happy. He wants us to live a life of celebration. If God wanted us to be somber and super serious all of the time, I doubt that Jesus' first miracle on earth would have been turning water into wine at a wedding. The  custom of the day was to hold a week long feast to celebrate a new marriage. Clearly Jesus was a man who knew how to have a grand time. I'm guessing there was plenty of smiling going on at that celebration, and I'm confident it was because of Jesus' radiant love, not because the guests were buzzed off of his good wine.

So what happens when we as Christians focus on everything that is wrong? Is there a right way to point out wrong? The answer is obviously yes. God did not leave us hanging. He gave us instructions in the Bible and Jesus modeled for us ways to shine light into the darkness. If you have a tendency to start turning over tables all of the time, I would suggest that you familiarize yourself further with the Gospels. There are plenty of reasons to turn tables over, but there are also plenty of alternatives. The context in which Jesus lost his temper in the temple was very specific, so it shouldn't be used in a broad manner to excuse behaving radically and impatiently.

If Jesus were living in America today would he be on Fox News or NBC? Would he be a liberal or a conservative? What kind of vitriol would he spew on those who opposed Him? How would he confront the issues our culture faces? Would He hold a sign up in protest at an abortion clinic? Or would he equip His followers to overflow with such passionate love that they would seek constructive ways to foster relationships with people who do not place the same value on the life of an unborn baby? Would Jesus befriend gays? Would he support legislating matters of the heart, or would He remind us that the Law was futile, and He came to earth to do what the Law could never do and that was to fulfill it once and for all. Would Jesus try and pass laws to collect more taxes to distribute to the poor, or would He embolden the Church to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, take care of the widows and visit the lonely and imprisoned? Many Jews did not see Jesus as the Messiah because they expected the Messiah to be a worldly ruler who fixed centuries of problems in worldly ways. Jesus didn't free the Jews the way they expected. He didn't overthrow the Roman government or start the kind if rebellion many wanted to see. I believe that today, Jesus would say the same things He said 2,000 years ago. He would remind us that what we did for the least of people on earth we did for Him, and He'd all at once be gentle yet firm as He also reminded us that if we love Him we will keep His commands. He'd point out that once we all were sinners in need of His mercy and grace, and that after we receive it, we must  not become self righteous and point fingers; instead, we must do the job that He has assigned us - to love Him, to love others, and go into the world and help to make disciples.

Sometimes I think our motives are pure but end up taking us in the wrong direction. I believe God's Word and I believe sin is sin, but I think we try and do God's job and we do it very poorly. We end up sounding like Eeoyre, pointing out all of the negative, but unlike Eeyore we at least try to change things. But the truth is, it is not our job to change things, at least not the hearts of man. Only God can do that through the Holy Spirit. God might choose to use us, but ultimately it is still only He who can change the heart. When we try to do God's job, we'll always hit a brick wall. It's no wonder non-Christians look at us the way they do. To them we seem like a bunch of frustrated protesters. Of course we are frustrated. We are frustrated because we are trying to do God's job instead of doing what He has instructed us to do.  We're called to love God, love others, and make disciples.  What a waste of time our lives are when we leave out the loving others part! We can't  redefine things and stop labeling sin as sin, but we also can't get an attitude that mimics the Pharisees. If we want to be true reflections of Jesus, it's important that we start behaving like Him. Jesus had no problem correcting the Pharisees. Jesus upset them very much. It's pretty unnerving to think you're holy and have God himself point out that, actually, your heart is hard and far from Him. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and He still wants to point out and change the Pharisee that lurks deeps inside us all.

God's first command is that I love Him with all of my heart, my soul, and my mind and then He commands me to love others. I love God with all of my heart and my soul, and as a habit I don't  struggle with showing love to others. I guess where I stumble is the loving God with all of my mind part. I'm not sure if it a byproduct of ADD, or a demonstration of my stubbornness where my mind causes me to over analyze things and lose faith in God's wisdom and sovereignty.

Throughout my life I have often struggled to believe that God has a specific plan for my life. Part of this struggle finds its root in the fact that I question my ability to hear and discern His will. I don't filter out noises very well, at least not like most people do. I mean that literally, in the sense that while I am out in public, I often hear every single conversation going on around me. I seem to lack the ability to filter out noises without intensely concentrating on doing so, and the problem with doing that is that it results in me not paying attention to the conversation I am involved with because all of my energies are focused on not focusing on every little sound and movement happening in my surroundings. I remember in school how crazy all of the noises would make me feel -  hearing the clock tick, the classmate in the back tapping his foot, the sound of fabric sliding against the chair as the girl next to me slouched over in her seat. There was so much, and my brain was just working overtime trying to take it all in.

As I have aged, I have gotten better at adapting. I have figured out methods to compensate, and frankly, most people would never have a clue that I have to put so much effort into something that most brains tend to do instinctively on their own.

One area that is still a major struggle for me though  is filtering out the static of every day life so that I can hear God. There have been times where I have questioned the foundations of all that I believe because I simply could not decipher God's voice. Sometimes God speaks loudly. Sometimes He speaks in a whisper. Sometimes He gives us a burning bush. Other times He simply leaves subtle clues. Though I still struggle and often lag when it comes to pinpointing what is God's voice and what is simply distracting background noise, I've come to appreciate that God does not always speak in the same form. If God were always obvious and He always spoke to me the same way and came through for me in the same way, then I would easily become complacent in my relationship with Him. The varying ways that God chooses to speak causes me to seek after Him, and the effort I put in strengthens my desire and love for Him.

Emotions lie

How we respond to troubles has a direct correlation to where we stand with God. Think about that for a second. Now think about the last time you faced a troubling situation and how you reacted to it. What was your first instinct? The flesh will try to rule us when troubles come our direction (can I get an Amen?) Satan knows just how to snare us, after all, that is his ultimate objective. If we aren't careful, if we aren't tending to our spiritual lives, when troubles come our way we will panic and by nature we will let our emotions be our compass. Once we allow this to happen, the damage can spiral out of control rather quickly. Once our emotions are guiding the way, it does take long for our behaviors to become impulsive and  irrational. I can't count the amount of times that while in an emotional frenzy, I have made decisions or uttered words that I later regretted, and I'm sure that I am not alone.

Self reflection is a vital aspect to our  spiritual journey and it should be happening every day. I've noticed that I do a great deal of reflecting, but I often neglect monitoring and examining my thoughts and feelings. Nearly every time that I have found myself in a spiritual famine, I can successfully trace the moment that my soul began to wither to a negative emotion that I did not properly address, thereby  allowing it to take root. Emotions are powerful, but they are not always honest.

2 Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. This is no easy task and to accomplish it requires not just a reliance upon the Holy Spirit, but it also requires us to take ownership and responsibility for the thought that we allow to wonder in our minds. When we ask God to help us control our thought lives, He will begin task of revealing to us areas that do not align with His Word. This often gets ugly, especially when God starts digging into deep rooted issues which we've been refusing acknowledge and to turn over to Him.

I've seen both sides of this. I'm not good with filtering my emotions. My emotions often weave a giant web of confusion in my head, but God has been gently and patiently removing what does not conform to  His best for me.  It has not been fun, and I'd be a liar if I said that I haven't tried to fight Him about the disruption I've felt He has been causing me. Once I cry uncle and submit to God, the results are not always instantaneous, but the evidence of the work being done can be seen.

Over the past few years I've struggled with doubts. I've hauled around the heavy burden of resentment, sometimes towards God and sometimes towards people.  I've found myself in denial of obvious realities. I've created problems and blamed others and God for the messes they resulted in.  I've sprinted in the opposite direction from God's voice in ways that make Jonah appear to be obedient. All of these examples came to fruition as a result of not properly identifying and dealing with emotions.

Emotions will lie. In order to conquer emotions, rather than be conquered by them, we must train to see them. We must pay close attention to which ones can overcome us the easiest. And more importantly we must study God's Word and see if how we are feeling and reacting matches His standards.