God's first command is that I love Him with all of my heart, my soul, and my mind and then He commands me to love others. I love God with all of my heart and my soul, and as a habit I don't  struggle with showing love to others. I guess where I stumble is the loving God with all of my mind part. I'm not sure if it a byproduct of ADD, or a demonstration of my stubbornness where my mind causes me to over analyze things and lose faith in God's wisdom and sovereignty.

Throughout my life I have often struggled to believe that God has a specific plan for my life. Part of this struggle finds its root in the fact that I question my ability to hear and discern His will. I don't filter out noises very well, at least not like most people do. I mean that literally, in the sense that while I am out in public, I often hear every single conversation going on around me. I seem to lack the ability to filter out noises without intensely concentrating on doing so, and the problem with doing that is that it results in me not paying attention to the conversation I am involved with because all of my energies are focused on not focusing on every little sound and movement happening in my surroundings. I remember in school how crazy all of the noises would make me feel -  hearing the clock tick, the classmate in the back tapping his foot, the sound of fabric sliding against the chair as the girl next to me slouched over in her seat. There was so much, and my brain was just working overtime trying to take it all in.

As I have aged, I have gotten better at adapting. I have figured out methods to compensate, and frankly, most people would never have a clue that I have to put so much effort into something that most brains tend to do instinctively on their own.

One area that is still a major struggle for me though  is filtering out the static of every day life so that I can hear God. There have been times where I have questioned the foundations of all that I believe because I simply could not decipher God's voice. Sometimes God speaks loudly. Sometimes He speaks in a whisper. Sometimes He gives us a burning bush. Other times He simply leaves subtle clues. Though I still struggle and often lag when it comes to pinpointing what is God's voice and what is simply distracting background noise, I've come to appreciate that God does not always speak in the same form. If God were always obvious and He always spoke to me the same way and came through for me in the same way, then I would easily become complacent in my relationship with Him. The varying ways that God chooses to speak causes me to seek after Him, and the effort I put in strengthens my desire and love for Him.